Just the Same
by Cuddy Cabin
Summary: Meredith struggles to make a choice that will shatter one of two lives. Izzy plans a wedding Denny didn't die! Someone's pregnant. Who can it be? Seattle Grace is about to get the shock of a lifetime.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is my first Grey's fic. It's my favorite show and I absolutely wanted to die when Denny did, and as much as I wanted him to stay in the show, he's gone–but not from my heart, nor my imagination. He's not dead in this story. This takes place continuing on from the season finale and everything else happened accept for him dying from the blood clot. He's still alive–he and Izzy are planning to be married. Its focus is the un-broken love between Derek and Meredith and the song, by Terri Clark, is the way I feel that their relationship is: Just the same, no matter what, they belong together and I don't think that they planned it, it's just the way it is. Reviews appreciated.**

**Just the Same: A Grey's Anatomy Story**

By Cuddy Cabin

Song by Terri Clark (Because it fits)

**Chapter One- One Year**

**Just the same: By Terri Clark**

You could have walked along a back road

or on a lonely stretch of beach.

You could have sat there on a park bench,

the Sunday paper at your feet.

If you'd been waiting for a taxi,

or at a bus stop in the rain,

I would have found you,

I would have found you,

Just the same.

You know you could have been

a gambler, whose luck was runnin low.

Or just another drifter,

without a single place to go.

You could have been a broken

dreamer without a penny to your name.

I would have loved you,

I would have loved you,

just the same.

No, it really didn't matter

who you'd been or what you'd done.

Where we met or when it happened,

You'd still be the one.

There's no way to know the future,

but one thing will never change;

I'm gonna love you,

I'm gonna love you,

just the same.

I'm gonna love you,

I'm gonna love you,

Just the same.

Love is fickle; It's tempestuous and all consuming. Sometimes we believe that love will conquer all, that no matter what, the person that you give your heart to will always be there to guard it. To take care of those precious feelings and hold them in the hollow of their hand—not letting anyone else get close enough to let it get hurt–or worse–dropped. It still stings, still surprises the soul when that very same person turns around and chooses someone else above you or hands that heart back to you–unwanted.

Meredith Grey had wrestled with these very feelings for the better part of a year; Had dreamt about them, cried over them and agonized why the man she had given her heart to had handed it back—even though he loved her—and she knew it.

Knew it every time she saw him, saw the sadness etched into his exquisitely blue eyes as they followed her everywhere she went. Knew it in the way he said her name, with tenderness and the underlying passion that no longer belonged to him. She was no longer his, to make love to, to have or to hold. He had lost the right to ask about her life, to demand to know all of the little things that went on inside her head, and he had lost it when he picked his wife—even though his brain and every single part of his heart screamed at him not to–over the only great love he'd ever had.

Slowly but surely, she'd made progress over the last year. She had wonderful friends, until she'd slept with George in a moment of utter madness—and he still wasn't talking to her—an amazing home and things at the hospital were good. She still missed Doc, now that he'd gone to live with Derek and Addison in the trailer. As much as it hurt her, she knew that he'd be better off with them. He'd have room to run and play. She'd loved it there and so would Doc. The playful mutt had been the only thing left that she and Derek shared. The one thing that still tied them together, and for that she was grateful.

But when Doc got sick, she'd taken him to the vet and met Finn. She found him attractive, wonderfully warm and appealing. The trouble was that she wasn't ready to date, couldn't get herself actually wanting to date someone again. What was the point?

He'd asked her out—she'd said no. He'd asked again. She finally agreed. They'd gone to deliver a baby horse, which did turn out to be pretty romantic—as first dates went. She'd never forget the look on Derek's face when he saw her come down the stairs dressed in one of Finn's shirts—utter disappointment and then, anger. Cold, hard. Jealousy in it's greenest from. He'd called her a whore. She'd been angry–who did he think he was? He'd gone back to his wife for frig sake—was she supposed to be hanging on for the rest of her life? Waiting for him to finally decide that he wanted to be with her? Was she going to be ninty-five years old, living in a nursing home, waiting for him to declare his love for her? Not likely.

She'd gotten the message. It had been clear. It was over.

Over until the night of the prom, that is. She'd gone with Finn, dressed up in her fanciest dress and for the first time in a long time, been at ease. Finn had plans. He had plans, not dreams, not smoke billowing out of a chimney. He wanted to be with her.

Damn Derek had stared at her with those piercing blue eyes, willing her to look at him. He'd had enough. He could hardly stand to watch her with someone else–to see another man's hands on her.

She'd run all the way to the on-call room, breathless, angry, tired of him. Tired of having her heart broken a million different ways from Sunday. He'd chased, followed. And they'd fought–harsh—hot–angry. They'd never spoken to each other that way before and soon realized just how sometimes anger and sex went hand in hand.

And now? Now where was she? What was she supposed to do?

She'd done what any self-respecting lady would do; She went back to her date and pretended that nothing was wrong.

And now, here she was, at the end of the song, the end of the night—with two men calling her name, asking her to decide.

Did she go with slow and easy? With comfort and stability? All browns, earthy, safe colors that made Finn who he was? Or did she go for the fast and hard—all consuming male that made her blood pump fast—silver, glitter, flashy colors that dazzled her senseless?

"Meredith?"

She let a soft, "I'm sorry", escape her lips as she met his eyes, her own tearing up, hating herself for having to choose, for having to hurt him, for having to pick. "I really am."

Blue eyes clashed against blue, locked in a snarling angry glare. One nodded while the other looked confused as to what had just happened. Male pride reared high, hurt feelings were on the edge. Two men, tuxedo clad, both handsome, classically beautiful watched as she wiped a tear from her eye. One moved forward and offered his hand.

"Let's go."

She looked down at the floor, placed her hand in his and began to walk away–but she couldn't help but wonder if she'd just made a colossal mistake.

She'd soon find out.


	2. Why Me?

**Chapter Two: Why Me?**

"I guess I don't have to ask who hurt you anymore, do I?"

It wasn't like she hadn't anticipated the question--- moreover, expected it. Dreaded it. He'd seen; He'd _seen_ the way she looked at Derek. He'd felt foolish when he looked from one to the other and saw the undercurrents of passion displayed over both of their faces. The silent question; the mute pleading from him to her. His eyes glued to hers, daring her to look away first. A silent duel, Finn decided as he turned the ignition and pulled away from the hospital parking lot. His hands guided the wheel casually, although he felt anything but casual at the moment.

Meredith wiped at her eyes and gave him a small nod. It wasn't something that she could hide. As a matter of fact, she'd never been great at hiding her emotions. They always came to the surface, around her eyes, her mouth, so that even the biggest of fools could tell exactly how she felt.

She swallowed and licked her lips, which were still swollen from Derek's hungry assault on her mouth. Tender, bruised, but delicious just the same. She adjusted the strap of her gown and looked out the window of the car, her blue eyes still watering from the guilt and confusion that she felt.

"Finn, I'm sorry about that." She murmured softly, more to herself than to him. "It's complicated."

"It always is." He sighed. "Complicated, I mean." He added when she didn't respond. He looked over at her and felt his heart constrict; He really did like her. A lot. He had plans for the two of them. Plans that some would consider too much, too soon. Ah, to hell with it all, he'd decided, he liked her and he was going to live for a change. Until tonight. Until he had been played for the fool.

"Well, I guess the night wasn't a total loss." He said sarcastically. "At least I get to drive you home."

She didn't reply.

He fought the urge to ask her a dozen questions, most of them being why she hadn't told him until he'd had to find out for herself. He'd been strait forward with her, told her about his wife, how he felt when she'd died. Told her how he'd been hiding upstairs in that apartment for years now, vying between work and home, just to fill in the time.

He ran his hand through his hair and looked strait ahead. She obviously didn't want to talk about it and he wasn't entirely sure that he needed the details. Accept one.

"Do you love him?" He asked, still not looking at her.

It was easy to see that one was going to turn into two.

She turned to face him. "What kind of a question is that?" She asked softly, as if to prolong the inevitable.

"An easy one." He answered flatly. "Either you do or you don't."

"It's—" She started, but stopped. "Finn–it's not about you. Please don't think that. It's really—"

"I know." He finished, this time flashing her a bitter look. "It's complicated."

She deserved it. She knew it. She hadn't been fair and she had no right to say another word to him. She curled her palm into a fist. Dammit! She'd thrown away this 'thing' that might have even been _something_ or _everything_—and all for Derek. Again.

Derek, who was probably going home at this very moment with Addison, whom, Meredith presumed, knew everything by now. It had only been a day ago that Addison and he had a fight in front of the rest of the hospital. Meredith had been mortified, as had Derek and Addison herself. It wasn't easy to get around the gossip in a place as big as Seattle Grace.

"_I'm not Meredith Grey." Addison had spit out in a sheer moment of the heart._

Everyone had stopped what they were doing and stared. In the back of her mind, even though she couldn't stand the other woman, Meredith had felt guilty and more than a little sorry for Addison. It seemed that no one in the McDreamy triangle was destined to be happy.

Round and round it goes. Where it stops, nobody knows.

"I can't tell you that I don't love him, Finn. Because I do." She began. She saw his jaw clench but he kept his eyes to the road. He looked so handsome in his black tux, like a GQ cover model, or a famous actor. She couldn't believe that she'd blown it when she'd tried so hard to stay away from Derek for so long. "He broke my heart and I didn't think that I could ever be healed."

"So you sneak off into the broom closet for one last fling?" He tossed, glancing over at her, watching her eyes. Her eyes could not lie. "One last romp with the good doctor? You think that your heart is going to be better now?"

Instant mortification was hers. He knew? He _knew!_ The squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "How? How did you know?"

"Did you think that I was stupid or just blind?" He asked in a hurt tone. He waved his hand toward the road. "The whole bloody dance saw the two of you run out. It was as if it were the most exciting, anticipated event of the century."

"I don't think you're stupid or blind!" She cried in frustration and grabbed onto his arm, willed him to look at her. "Do you think that I planned this? Do you _honestly_ think that I'm not torn up over this? Over you? Over the fact that you had 'plans' for me? No one has ever had plans for me. Except for you."

Despite his hurt and his anger, he knew that she was sorry. Knew that she felt bad and even though he didn't tell her that he knew, he had seen the look on her face when they had come back to the party. Derek Shepard would keep hurting her and jerking her around until she put a stop to it. Until someone made her realize that she was worth more than being made love to in a closet. It was so–so– degrading.

"I know." He said softly. "I know that you didn't mean to hurt me."

"You do?" Her eyes lit up; a tiny ray of hope. "Because I didn't." She said again. "Mean to hurt you, that is."

He turned into the driveway and shut off the ignition and turned to face her. For the first time she realized that he hadn't taken her home. He'd taken her to his place.

"Why—?" She pointed to the house in confusion. "Finn, why are we here?"

"Shhhh." He put a finger over her lips. "I want you to come in. I want us to talk---" His finger left her lips and tilted up her chin so he looked her strait in the eye, strait beneath her beating heart, into her soul. "---I don't want things to end between us this way. Can you handle that?"

"Why me?"

"Why not?' He countered.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" She felt guilty, a traitor, a tramp.

"Because I want to—Because somehow, someway—" He said rubbing her cheek with his finger, tracing a line down to her chin. "You're going to find out that you deserve more than being a mistress to a married man."

There were no words to say; No witty comebacks, nothing left but the burning desire to be loved, cherished.

Without responding, she undid her seatbelt, caught the hand that he offered and followed him into the house.


	3. What Can I Say?

**Chapter Three: What Can I say?**

"Derek—aren't you going to say _something_?" The question was both irritated and desperate—voicing the pain behind it and the fact that at the very least, she deserved an answer. Deserved something for always coming in second–- and a few words thrown at her, an explanation for the humiliation she felt, yet again, was the prize.

They stood in the almost non-existent kitchen area of the trailer, her back against the cupboard door. She crossed her arms over her breasts and waited for him to speak. He stood in front of her, hands jammed into the pockets of his tuxedo pants, looking at the floor, as if he could find the answer within the linoleum grooves.

Subconsciously she bit the inside of her cheek as she waited, then glanced down at herself and almost laughed. She was the best at what she did; Her professional career couldn't have been better. She was attractive, more than average, she was articulate, passionate and she was standing in front of her husband waiting for him to explain his latest dalliance with his intern.

"What can I say?" He said mildly, still looking at the floor.

If that weren't enough, and it didn't seem to be, the entire staff of the hospital seemed to know that Derek and Meredith were off copulating even before she or the vet Meredith had chosen as her date, did. What she was tired of was the looks. The way people looked at her; like they were sorry for her. Poor Addison, Derek loves Meredith, silly woman. They all looked at her like _she_ was the mistress, instead of his wife.

She regarded him carefully, almost felt sorry for him. He was torn up inside, unhappy. He didn't love her the way he so obviously loved Meredith Grey. She sighed—it always came back full circle to the intern who had stolen her husbands heart and not given it back. Too tired to fault either one of them, for what's done had been done, she reached up and wiped a tear from her eye. "Derek, I deserve an explanation for tonight." She said softly.

He looked up at the ceiling and blew out the air from between his lips then flicked his stony gaze toward her. "It just happened. It wasn't planned." He shook his head and began to loosen his tie. "That's all you're going to get, Addy."

He was dismissing the subject. She felt like she had been slapped in the face. She snorted, contempt building in the pit of her stomach.

Tears sprang to her eyes, but she fought them back. She would not cry. Not now. "That's all I'm going to get?" She asked, her voice beginning to climb. "That's all?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Damn you, Derek! Damn you!" She pounded her fist against her shapely thigh. "I deserve more than some shitty excuse—I'm your wife!"

He raised an eyebrow at her—unaffected. The only thing he cared to think about at that moment was the fact that he could still smell Meredith on him, could taste her. He closed his eyes briefly and felt his stomach churn at the thought that she had left without him. Left with her vet.

That knowledge, along with the fact that he didn't want to be with Addison having a conversation that just kept going round and round had put him in a dangerous mood. There was no stopping it; it was like a runaway train. It had no destination and those who were on the train had no where to go, nothing to do but wait. It was long, drawn out and painful. He didn't want to deal with it anymore.

"I don't have anything else to say to you." He replied as he slid the tie from his neck and tossed it aside. "If I did, you would have heard it by now."

"You can be such a prick."

He nodded. "Yes. I can. And I'm sorry."

"Sorry you slept with her and humiliated me in front of our colleagues?" She was starting to get wound up now. Frustrated with his indifference, with the casualness that he was treating the situation, as if what she thought didn't matter. She had a fair idea that her theory was exactly correct.

"I'm sorry that you were humiliated. I wasn't trying to hurt you." He said, his voice soft, yet brittle, his professional voice, she realized. The one you use with strangers, with people you have to give bad news to. "I told you before that just because I stayed with you didn't mean that I was over her. I fell in love with her, Addy. You can't erase that."

"So I've heard."

He ignored the comment and reached around her to grab a beer out of the fridge. On second thought, he grabbed two and sat down at the table. He pulled back the tab and took a long, hard drink.

"I'm tired." He announced. "I'm not talking about this anymore." He took another swig of his beer. "You can take it or leave it."

She stared at him as if he were a stranger, and indeed, for the past year he had been. She had tried to make it work but what was she hanging on for? It was beginning to get her down, down so low that it was hard to get out of bed in the morning. It was a constant humiliation, a dredging pain that never went away and she was tired, too tired to keep Derek in a cage any longer. He was like a beautiful bird who had been captured and never allowed out of his confounds. While beautiful, because his freedom was taken away, he was miserable. She could hold on to him, look at him, study him, but he was unhappy to a point that he was heartbroken with every breath he took. He really wasn't hers anymore and if the truth be told, hadn't been for some time now.

"What do you want, Derek?"

His eyes clashed with hers as she stood up and moved by her, tossing over his shoulder, "You can figure that out I'm sure."

She felt her temper burst at his foul mood, at his indifference. "Just you wait a minute!" She stormed after him into the bedroom and found him taking off his shirt. "Don't you dismiss me, Derek Shepard! " She pointed at her chest. "I'm still your wife, if in name only, and I have some things to say to you and you're gonna listen!" She yelled.

He stared as he unbuttoned the crisp white shirt and pulled it off and tossed it on the floor. For a moment it fazed her, the fact that he wouldn't stop what he was doing for one second to pay attention to her. His hand moved to his zipper. "You were saying?"

She blinked. "I'm sorry, but could you give me a second of your undivided attention?" She snapped.

"I'm taking off my pants. The last time I checked it was still legal to do both at the same time." He snapped right back, as he slid the black slacks off and deposited them to the floor as well. He was left in his blue boxers.

When her eyes bulged and her breathing sped up, he should have known what was coming. He narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"You are such a pig!" She spat between clenched teeth, as she stared at his crotch.

"What is your problem now?" He looked down and groaned when he saw the tiny pair of black thong panties that had somehow landed in the waistband of his boxers and hung on for dear life. How he could not have noticed was beyond him. Meredith's panties. The panties that he had ripped off and tossed aside, and hadn't noticed when they had fell into his own boxers. Although he did zip up pretty quick, but he still should have noticed.

She didn't look at him. Just puckered her lips and shook her head. "I should never have come back here." She mumbled. "I was so stupid. I should have stayed in New York. I should have stayed with—" She didn't continue, but saw a thread of sanity snap before her eyes as his turned bleak, dark. They were finally going to get to it after an entire year of dancing around the subject. It made her angrier than hell that the only thing that could dredge any kind of emotion out of him was Meredith or Mark Sloan.

"Ya. That's right." For some reason, finding the panties made him angry and sad at the same time, more angry than discussing Addison's affair with his best friend–made him want to march out the door and drive to Meredith's house and demand that she give him an explanation for leaving with her vet. And most of all, it reminded him that he no longer loved the woman in front of him.

He almost choked on the overwhelming emotion that he had suppressed for so long. "You should have stayed in New York—with Mark—remember him?" He yelled at her as he grabbed the panties out of the waistband of his boxers and tossed them aside. If she wanted a fight then he'd give her one. "You should have stayed with Mark because then I would still be with Meredith and I'd be happy."

She reached out and slapped his face. Hard. The sound seemed to reverberate off the walls of the tiny bedroom. "Bastard." Her voice was cold, even though she had tears coursing down her cheeks.

He didn't deny it. "I am." He nodded his head up and down. "And I'm a miserable bastard because you keep trying to resurrect something that died a long time ago." He yelled. He picked up his beer and downed the last drop and threw it on the floor. He walked past her and out into the kitchen again and grabbed his second beer. No sense in fighting while sober, he thought miserably.

She followed him out into the kitchen, hot on his heels. "Don't you walk away from me–you think that you're the only one who hurts? You think that I don't feel the way you look at me? Do you think it's easy for me to go to work every day knowing that everyone is rooting for you and your mistress behind my back?" She shrilled.

"She wasn't my mistress—she was my lover and my best friend." He roared, pointing at Addison. "Don't talk about her like that."

She threw back her head and laughed sarcastically and imitated him. "Of course,_ so_ sorry for insulting your girlfriend. I'm only your wife."

"Were."

She stopped and stared. "Were?"

"That's right."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry–what does that mean, exactly?"

He drank down the last of can number two and got up to get another. She grabbed onto his arm, which he shook away, giving her a dangerous look.

"Don't touch me."

"Derek—" she struggled to find the words. "What are you saying?"

"You were my wife. You're not anymore." he said, with a surprising amount of calm that he didn't really feel. "I don't love you, Addison. I'm sorry."

"You're just saying that." She began. "You'll feel better in the morning." She didn't know why she was saying it, she should have packed her bags and left him, but she couldn't do it.

"No." He said slowly, this time looking her dead in the eye, giving her his full attention. "I won't. I love Meredith. I'm sorry." He said, his voice gritty with emotion.

Well, it was clear that the only thing Addison Shepard had to do to get her husband's full attention was to talk about his mistress. How sad, how unbelievably sad for her, for him. Sometimes love betrays us, laughs behind our backs, taunts us from the sidelines. On that evening, Addison discovered that she wasn't so sure that she wanted to be married anymore. She had nothing left to give, no longer had the strength or the heart to live with a man who loved someone else.

But just for tonight, she would sleep on it.


	4. My McDream

Author's Note: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I loved them all. Just a short note to let you know that the first part of the story will revolve around Mer/Der/Finn. The rest will fall into place shortly.

Cuddy.

**Chapter Four: My McDream**

Meredith woke to the smell of bacon. Man, she loved that smell; dreamed about it from time to time, woke up instantly to the tantalizing promise of grabbing a handful of crispy, fatty, cholesterol clogging goodness and shoving it all in her mouth—and then taking more.

She opened her eyes and took in her surroundings; The bedroom was very tastefully decorated with its cherry wood bedframe and matching dresser, ottoman and side tables. The drapes were hung on wrought iron poles with decorative sconces on each end. The window was open with a slight warm breezed that tossed the sheer white tabs about. The whole room was white; the bed coverings, pillowcases, walls, the pictures on the wall with white frames. Some would say it was institutional; others peaceful, like white fluffy clouds drifting about. She opted for peaceful.

It was like waking up in a dream. A McDream, she decided, a small smile growing on her lips at the thought. It was so peaceful here—so void of anything negative—so unlike the way she'd woken up for months on end in her own bed—sometimes alone, sometimes not—wondering why she had the life she had.

She rolled over in Finn's king sized bed and snuggled in the special warmth that only a feather duvet could provide and sighed. Her gaze focused on the clock on the bedside table. Seven-thirty. She didn't have to be at the hospital until six that evening and was quite happy about it. How was she ever going to face Derek again? After that sweaty, wanton, sexcapade that they had gone on?

She groaned and decided that thinking about that subject before noon was just plain irresponsible—and—how could she possibly have a rational thought in her mind when her stomach was growling so loud it was about to go on strike?

She was saved when the bedroom door opened and Finn gently pushed it aside with his hip. He was dressed only in a pair of faded Levi's. He was carrying breakfast on a simple silver tray, complete with a single red rose in a white vase. His blue eyes twinkled as he smiled at her.

"Good morning." He said, sitting the tray down on the bed and leaning over to kiss her cheek affectionately. "I didn't think you'd be awake yet."

Touched by the sweetness of the sentiment––by the overall sweetness of the man himself–she smiled. "Occupational hazzard." She said as she traced a finger over the soft red petals of the rose. "I don't get more than five hours at a time. Keeps me strong."

"Or just plain tired."

She grinned. "True." Looking down at the breakfast he had gotten up early to prepare, she was left feeling very grateful that he was being so good to her. "Finn, this is a wonderful surprise. Thank you."

Their eyes met and held, blue on blue and there seemed to be so much more to what was left unsaid, so much more than words could say. He picked up a piece of bacon and held it to her lips. "Here. Eat."

She accepted and bit off as much as she could chew, savoring the taste in her mouth, and rolled her eyes back. "It's heavenly—perfect." She mumbled. "How did you know exactly how I liked my bacon?" She teased. "Have you been studying me? Learning my habits?"

His face turned somber for a moment. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, Meredith." He said slowly, deliberately, so that she knew he wasn't joking. "I'll make you breakfast every day if it'll put a smile on that beautiful face of yours."

She didn't know what to say–what could she say? "Finn, I—" She began, not knowing what words she could say that would describe how she was feeling.

"Don't." He said softly, bringing her hand to his lips. "Don't say anything. Just listen to what I have to say."

She nodded.

"I've waited a long time to meet someone like you. You're smart, beautiful and ten times the woman of my dreams—only you don't seem to know how special you are—to me, to those around you. It's like you have a light in you that everyone else sees, but you don't see it. Don't see how it shines in your eyes when you're happy. I want to make you happy." He looked around the room and everywhere around her and smiled slowly. "You're amazing and what I don't get is how I am the only man who gets that about you–who knows that he is the luckiest man in the whole world, just because you saw me and you smiled."

She felt her heart crack just a little, felt her eyes well up with tears. His words, while beautiful and articulate, were dazzling her, making her shine when she knew deep inside herself that she didn't deserve such a pedestal–was afraid that she'd soon be knocked down when he discovered that she was afraid of heights.

"Finn, I don't know what to say." She confessed softly. He had taken her breath away. "I'm not sure that I deserve those words. Not from someone as fine as you. You could do better."

He raised his eyebrows. "Better than you?"

"Definitely better than me."

"I don't think so." He ran his hand through her tangle of hair and then touched the tip of her nose with his index finger. "And even if I could find better—which I can tell you that I would not—I wouldn't care because I want you, Meredith. I want to be with you."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

She looked up at the ceiling and shook her head. "Why would you want to be with me? With someone who invited you on a date and slept with her ex-boyfriend—married ex-boyfriend on that said date. Who cannot give you answers to your questions?"

He glanced down at the blanket for a moment, considering her words. Maybe he would sound simple to her–--crazy—out of his mind for wanting her like he did. But that didn't matter because he saw things in Meredith Grey that he was sure that no one else saw––even Derek Shepard. He knew that underneath the hurt feelings, the drinking at Joe's after a hard shift, the firm resolve to not get involved again, there was a woman––a passionate, ever loving, kind woman who needed the love of a man who respected her, who understood her and never took her for granted.

He hated what Shepard had turned her into–not only because he had broken her heart but because little by little he had chipped away at her self-esteem. She didn't believe that she was worthy of love–real love—not the cheat-on-your–wife kind of selfish love. Little did he know Derek's true feelings and he wouldn't have cared to know. All he wanted was a chance.

"Is it so hard to believe that I would want to be with you?"

"Well—considering that you know what I'm capable of—I'd say that 'yes', would be a fitting word to answer that question."

He scoffed. "What you're capable of? You don't give yourself enough credit, Meredith." He leaned down and caught her hand in his. "Do I strike you as the type of man who just dates anyone off the street?"

"No."

"Do you know why?"

"I bet you're going to tell me."

He grinned, amused. "That's right. I went to university, I graduated. I come from a good family. I love expensive cars, fine dining, travel and beautiful women."

She rolled her eyes. "Are you auditioning for the bachelor?"

He smirked, liking that she was willing to go along with him. "No. I'm auditioning for you."

"What? Why?"

He sighed, exasperated–but he was still amused. She was hard-headed and stubborn but he'd find a way to convince her. "Am I a classy guy or just an average one?'

"Do you really have to ask?"

"Yes."

"Obviously a classy one."

'Right—so do you think that I'm desperate? That I'd go out with anyone who wanted me? Bertha from the market or Jocelyn the bearded lady from the lunch counter or maybe that woman at your hospital who always tells me that she'd like ta take me home so she can show me what it's like to get with a real down-home Southern gal?"

She was almost offended. "No—of course not! You are one of the most handsome and eligible bachelors in Seattle."

"So, why is it so hard for you to believe that I want to be with you?"

She was grinning now. He'd lightened her mood, made her feel good about herself. Not many people could do that these days. He really was a great guy—she must have had rocks in her head to ever think otherwise.

"Say it again." She said softly.

He didn't pretend not to understand, as he moved closer to her on the bed and cupped his hand on her cheek. "I want you."

"Again."

"I want you, Meredith."

"How bad?" She was teasing him, using her tone, making him know that she wanted him—and in between the sheets.

He didn't take the bait. He was going to have to show her that he wanted her for more—to be more than just another roll in the hay.

"Badly enough to wait until you're ready." He said as he leaned in and kissed her lips. "Enough to wait until the time is right."

And wait he would. In the meantime he'd do his best to let her know how much he cared.

He hoped that it would be enough.


	5. Not That Easy

Author's Note: Are you all getting nervous? Scared that Finn will permanently steal Meredith's heart? There's lots more to come...don't worry. Would I leave you hanging? Thanks for the reviews. They have been great!

**Chapter Five: Not That Easy**

The day after.

The day after is usually one of three things: Embarrassment, wonder and last, but certainly not least,_ regret. _It is easy to get caught up in a single moment, get carried away by a look, a touch, a feeling and when one goes with either of those thingswithout clearly thinking about the situation and what will happen_ after_, things tend to get sticky.

Regret is one of those things that people wish they had thought about a lot sooner and can't understand why they didn't think before acting. Regret is sneaky and its symptoms tend to hide in certain catch phrases like 'I'll deal with it later', or 'what will it hurt?', or 'it just felt so right'."

When one finally takes the time to analyze what they have done they realize that had they thought about said 'thing', they would have been better off at home knitting or cleaning the toilet—because then they wouldn't be in the current situation that is making them half mad.

Today was one of those days for Meredith Grey.She had started her evening rounds at six. She and Cristina had been assigned a patient who with severe epilepsy, who needed to be monitoredin fifteen minute intervals. George was off with Dr. Baily and Alex was with Addison doing a routine tubal ligation.

It was only nine p.m. and Meredith had run into Derek at least twice an hour. He tried to talk and she tried to walk away without causing a scene. She felt as though every nurse, intern and doctor and even the patients were staring at her. She was self-conscious and nervous, which made for unsteady hands–not a good reputation to have in a hospital—and blubbering mouth—also not good in the hospital setting.

"-----and then he told me that he wants to be with me." Meredith explained with a shake of her head. "What do I say to that? He knows what happened at the Prom—he knew and he still took me home and wants to be with me. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just jump into his arms and live happily ever after with my McVet?" She complained.

"I don't know what's wrong with you—it _must_ be serious." Izzy chastised lightly. "You are crazy if you go back to Derek after you've met someone as wonderful as Finn. If I didn't love Denny so much I'd give him to you." She joked.

"Can I have your leftovers?"

The blond raised her eyebrows and gave a wicked grin. "Trust me–there won't be any leftovers. Anyway, I don't share."

"Too bad for me."

"You better believe it. I finally got it right, didn't I"? She grinned happily.

"You sure did, Iz."

"So what are you going to do?" Izzy asked as they rounded a corner.

"I don't know." And the truth was that she didn't. No matter how wonderful of a man Finn was, no matter what he promised her, it still wouldn't change the way she felt about Derek. He could give her the moon and stars and she'd probably still be thinking about McDreamy.

"Mer, did you see the way that Addison looked at you when you got back to the dance?" Izzy whispered as they walked along. Her eyes widened and she tipped her head closer to Meredith's. "It was like the She-Shepard knew exactly what you were doing in the on-call room. She must be psychic or something." She decided with a shake of her head.

"I feel so guilty. I'm a dirty mistress." Meredith mumbled. Suddenly she stopped walking and grabbed onto Izzy's lab coat. "Do you think I'm a dirty mistress?"

Izzy tipped her head and gave her friend a sad smile. "No, I don't. You love him, Mer. Nothing is going to change that. Even though he hurts you time and time again, you still love him and I really wish that you didn't because I hate to see you hurting like this—but if he's really what you want than I'll support you a hundred percent." She reached out and rubbed Meredith's shoulder supportively.

"Thanks Izzy." It had brought a genuine smile a least.

"Now—" Izzy said, in reference to the previous question, as they started walking again. "A dirty tramp, maybe—but definitely _not_ a dirty mistress."

GREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREY

She and Izzy stopped by to check on Izzy's newly acquired fiancee, Denny Duquette on their way to the lab. Meredith loved Denny–his sleepy doe eyes, his southern drawl, the way his eyes lit up when he saw her friend, his kindness—it was all part of the wonderfulness that made Denny who he was—and now he was marrying her best friend.

Part of her wanted to cry every time she saw the two together because it reminded her—painfully—of the way that Derek used to look at her when they were together—with love, tenderness and that special twinkle in blue eyes that could connect with hers from twenty feet away and set her heart thumping. But the other part—the best friend part—made her be happy for her friend because she deserved nothing less.

"Hello handsome." Izzy said as they walked into the room. She walked over to the bed and leaned down to give him a tender kiss. "You been missing me?"

"You're lucky I got a new heart, woman. The old one couldn't handle being without you."He grinned, reaching up to grab a handful of her hair and pull her down for another kiss.

"Denny—" She feigned prudence. "You're going to get me in trouble."

"Ya, but at least I'll marry you before he or she is born." He joked. He had a great sense of humor. "And just think—it'll give everyone else around here something to talk about."

Meredith couldn't believe how great his color was—how alert he seemed— after one day of having his new heart. He was a new man and anyone could tell that he not only appreciated the chance to live—he reveled in it.

"Hello Doc."He acknowledged Meredith who stood in the doorway. "Aren't I the luckiest man in the world?" He looked at Izzy with such passion and longing that it nearly made her blush.

"You sure are." Meredith smiled. "How are you feeling today, Denny?"

He glanced at his bride to be. "Like a million bucks, Doc. Like a million bucks."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it." She waved the chart she was holding to Izzy. "I'm just gonna go down to the lab and get this out of the way. You two visit and I'll be back in a few minutes."

Izzy nodded. "Thanks. I'll meet you in the break room in a bit and we can finish our conversation."

"Sure thing." She turned to leave. "See you later Denny. You look great."

"Thanks, Doc."

She was halfway down the hall when she heard her name. Damn! Was there _no one _in the entire hospital who needed some kind of emergency surgery? Or perhaps an arm bandaged or maybe there was a floor that needed washing? She didn't stop, didn't look behind her, just headed toward the side door that would take her to the stairs.

"Meredith!"

It clanged loudly as she pushed hard and took the steps two at a time. Hell, it was only four floors down. How long would it take? She jogged on, ridiculously aware that running away was not the answer––but couldn't stop herself.

She heard the steel door hit the wall with a clang for a second time, then her name again.

"Meredith! Wait up!"

"No!" She shouted, looking up at him. He wore the most curious expression–anger mixed with hurt and little dash of amusement as well. "Go away!" He looked sexy today, she mused, as she turned her back again. Annoyed with herself for even thinking it—when she should not have been thinking about how hot he looked in that damn blue scrub outfit––she continued on her way.

"I need to talk to you–can't you just stop running?" He joined in, taking the steps three at a time, desperate to catch up with her. He had things to say, dammit! She at least had to hear him out. She'd been pining away for him for a full year and when the time came that he was ready to commit to her she ran away. His anger and desperation sped up along with his heart rate as he tried to catch her.

"I said go away!" She called again.

"Meredith!" This time he was angry. "Just stop! I need to talk to you!"

She continued on, careless of the fact that one of her shoe laces had come undone. She had hit the third landing when she tripped and fell hard against the concrete, landing on her arm. She knew it wasn't broken, but it hurt like hell.

"Awwwwwww." She cried out. "Awwww! Awwwwww!"

His legs, which were long and fast, descended down the rest of the steps at lightning speed until it seemed only likes seconds before he was there crouching down beside her. "Honey, where does it hurt?"

_My heart—that's where it hurts----because you broke it. Jackass!_

"That's a stupid question." She gritted out between clenched teeth as she tried to deal with the throbbing pain that had moved up into her shoulder. "Can you please go away now?" She laid her head on the cool concrete and closed her eyes.

_This is really embarrassing. I'm a dirty mistress and I'm lying on a concrete floor because I'm running away from the man who **made** me a dirty mistress. _

He gave her an impatient, although slightly amused look. "I think you sprained your arm, Mer. Do you really want me to leave you on the stairwell and just walk away?"

She lifted her head and gave him a dirty look. "Don't call me 'Mer'. You don't get to call me that name." She laid her head down again. "Not anymore."

He stood. "Okay. Fine. You win."

"What does that mean?"

"You don't want to talk to me. I get that. I just thought that we should talk about what happened between us last night. But obviously you are----"

She cut him off. "I'm what? Too upset?" She snapped. " Too emotional to deal with the fact that we had sex—with your wife and my boyfriend down the hall—which was terrible of us by the way—is that what you're trying to say? That I'm not capable of carrying on a conversation just because I'm lying on the floor in a less than ladylike position----with an arm that feels like it's going to fall off?"

"Actually—" He said wryly. "I was going to say 'in too much pain', but what you said works too."

"Oh."

"Ya." He bent down again. "So, do you want help or do you want me to get Dr. Stevens for you?"

"I think you've helped me quite enough."

He was hurt but he knew that he deserved it. She was upset and she had every right to be—but this time it was different for him—all she had to do was say the word and he'd sign the divorce papers and he'd never look at another woman again—all she had to do was say it.

"I'll get Dr. Stevens for you then." He said, knowing that now was not the time to make her talk. He'd only get yelled at. "But I want you to meet me as soon as you get off work in the morning. I'll wait for you at the front. We have to talk and I'm not letting you get away from me."

"Ya right." She mumbled. "You said that the first time around and look where it got me."


	6. Blown Away

As promised, Derek waited on the bench outside of Seattle Grace with nothing but two cups of coffee and the burning desire to make Meredith his again. The morning was a bit chilly and he put on his black trench coat while he sipped at his beverage. He was glad that he hadn't made it home—didn't want to deal with Addison in the confines of their very small trailer. He hadn't seen much of her that day, considering that they had been on opposite shifts–and it suited him just fine. The last conversation they had hadn't been kind.

He felt almost sick to his stomach as he played and replayed the past twenty-four hours in his mind. He'd never thought that when he was able to make love to Meredith again that she wouldn't speak to him after. He had counted on the fact that he knew she still loved him, still needed him. He could always tell by the longing look on her face—the way that when she spoke to him there was so much more behind it—so many things that she wanted to say but didn't.

Knowing that he hadn't made it any easier on her for the past few months made him feel like a grade 'a'shmuck and he seriously wondered how he had come to the conclusion that he should give it another shot with Addison. It was like going back to instant coffee after having perked. It just wouldn't do and it really couldn't compare to the real thing. Meredith was the real thing.

He looked up as Cristina Yang approached him. She didn't look happy and she folded her arms as she stopped in front of him. He never could see what Preston saw in the curly haired intern. She wore a black turtleneck sweater and a pair of blue jeans with flip flops. Prestigious doctor indeed—although he had to give credit where it was due—she was going to make one hell of a good surgeon. He nodded and attempted a smile. "Dr. Yang."

She didn't bother with pleasantries but did flash him an impatient smile. "Derek." She squinted her beady eyes and bit down on her lower lip.

He raised his eyebrow. "We're on a first name basis today, are we?" He asked. It always amused him how when dealing with Meredith's friends he was only referred to by his Christian name when they were angry with him for whatever injustice he had caused. "Well," He said grandly, as he lifted the coffee to his lips. "What can I do for you, Cristina?"

She snorted softly. Apparently she didn't like him using her first name. Well, too damn bad. "Oh–you don't mind if I use your first name, do you?" He asked, not really caring if she did or not—but she was fun to torment, especially when you could see the frustration course through her veins and out the top of her head like smoke.

"Cut the crap." She snapped. "What do you think you're doing with my friend—and in the on-call room none the less? It took her eight months to stop crying the last time you ditched her and went back to your wife."

"I don't see how that's really any of your business." He stated flatly. He took another sip and looked at her over the rim, his blue eyes razor sharp. "But I'm not going to hurt her again if that's what you're thinking." He offered.

She scoffed. "Right." She shook her head. "You know, it's just like you to do something this—this—stupid—and especially since she was finally getting over you. But you can't stand to see her happy. You can't take the thought that someone else might. You're selfish, Derek."

"You're probably right about that." He agreed, although not whole-heartedly. "But it's different this time, Cristina." He held up his right hand. "I swear it."

She leaned forward and lowered her voice. "Your promises don't mean jack squat to me." She pointed at him. "Don't hurt her again."

"Understood."

"Down girl."

Derek looked up and Cristina turned around to see Meredith standing behind them. The muscles in his lip twitched, wanted to smile at the sight of her. She wore her blue jeans and a white t-shirt with a long white sweater draped over her shoulders and her hair was down. His fingers itched to feel it, to have it all around him—on his chest, his back, his stomach. The very sight of her was hot and demanding to him. She had her arm in a sling, which she cradled tenderly. She addressed Derek. "Don't worry, she doesn't bite." And then to Cristina. "_What_ are you doing?"

Cristina rolled her eyes and looked down at the ground. "Nothing. We were just—coming to a mutual understanding, weren't we Dr. Shepard?"

He had to fight not to roll his own eyes. Back to professional titles. Fine.

He cleared his throat. "Right. Dr. Yang and I were having a little chat but it's over now, isn't it?"

"Yup." She patted Meredith on the arm. "He's all yours."

Meredith sighed. "Thanks—I think."

Cristina walked away, leaving them alone, and leaving Meredith nervous. She didn't want to talk to him—didn't want to see him—but couldn't lie to herself. The truth was that she had been excited and scared for the rest of her shift. He always did this to her–always took her up high and then let her fall—and the worst part was that she fell for it time and time again.

"What do you want?" She asked softly, accepting the coffee in her right hand and sitting down carefully on the bench beside him.

"I want to talk. I need to talk to you about last night." He began. "I still can't believe you didn't—you didn't----"he stopped mid sentence, not wanting to say it.

"Pick you?" It came out of her mouth like it hurt. Oh, and it did hurt. She had begged him to pick her, only to have her heart handed back stamped, 'Return to Sender' and now the shoe was on the other foot. When he had chosen his wife she didn't run back and question it, she'd accepted it as best she could. "Choose you?" She murmured softly.

It sounded so stupid, so childish in his head, but it was exactly what he was thinking. "Ya." He looked over at her but she was staring at the entrance of the hospital. "I just want to know what last night meant to you."

"Why—why do you need to know? What difference does it make?"

"It matters."

"To who, exactly? Because last time I checked, married men didn't have to ask that question."

"It matters to me—dammit, Meredith, you slept with me last night!" He put his hand on her leg and she immediately moved away. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"Fine—you want to know why?" She was irritated now. "Because I think we did enough together last night. The gossip mongers are going to be feeding on this for months."

"That wasn't talking."

"You're right. It was cheating."

"Can't we just talk about it?" He asked again, his voice husky and thick.

"I don't want to do this anymore." She said, more to herself than to him. "I have to go. Finn's waiting for me."

She saw his eyes darken, temper begin to seep into his pores at the mention of the name. "He's not the right one for you."

"No offense—but you aren't exactly the best person to decide who is good for me." She argued.

"Does he know how old you were when you learned to ride a bike?" He asked quickly. "Does he know where the scar on your lower back came from?"

She groaned. "Derek, this is pointless—"

But he wasn't finished. "Does he know that you hate eating in bed? Or that you hate horror movies?" The pain in his eyes was almost too much to bear and he was being so unfair—bringing up little intimacies that they'd shared. "Does he know you like I do? Does he make love you to like I do?" He nearly choked trying to get the words out.

But she'd had enough.

"There is no point to this discussion." She stood up and tossed the coffee into the garbage can. Her eyes filled and she tipped her head back for a second to try and gain her composure. "Derek, go home to your wife. Let's get off this merry-go-round because it doesn't stop itself and I'm tired of going around. I'm dizzy and I'm sick of this."

He jumped up and shook his head. "No. It's not over between us. You can't say that–and you're wrong about so many things." He implored. "Last night meant everything to me—it was wrong, I know that—but with you nothing feels wrong. Everything is perfect and beautiful and just the way that I like it." He put his hand over his heart and shook his head. " I'm not one bit sorry that I made love to you—I want to do it again and again for the rest of my life. I want to have children with you and grow old with you and—"

Although she wanted to, she couldn't stop the tear that trickled down her cheek. He was playing dirty, telling her things that she had waited so long to hear–and all the while he was with someone else–married to someone else.

"That's not fair—shut up!" She yelled at him, the blue in her eyes burning bright. "Just shut up, Derek! How dare you talk to me like that! How dare you! I loved you so much that my heart broke and I never thought that I would be able to even think about dating again! Just because we slept together does not give you the right to talk about me like this." She was shaking now and it broke him in two.

"Like what?" He yelled back. "Like I love you? I can't tell you that I love you?" He cried, close to tears himself.

"No!" She shook her head. "You can't! You're married, Derek!" She was sobbing so hard she could hardly get the words out. "You don't belong to me. You belong to Addison—your wife!" She started to walk away but he put his hand on her shoulder and easily stopped her.

"You're wrong."

"No—I'm not!"

"You are mine, Meredith Grey—even if you don't want to admit it or talk about—it doesn't matter!" He yelled, losing his temper in a hot passionate, desperate moment. "You will always be mine and I will always belong to you!"

"It's too late." She sobbed harshly, trying to shove him away, but he wasn't to be dissuaded.

"It's over with Addison." He blurted. "I told her that I'm in love with you and that I don't want to be with her anymore. I can't be with her anymore." A tear fell and slid down his cheek and Meredith couldn't ever remember his eyes being so bright and blue.

"You're leaving her?" She whispered. "You're actually leaving her?"

"Yes! That's what I wanted to tell you—don't you see? I want to be with you—we're finally free to be together." He studied her for a moment, cocking his head to the side, a worried frown starting to build. "What's the matter?" He asked. "Meredith—don't you want to me with me?"

She felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. "I—I—have to think about it."

"What?"

She looked up at him, genuine fear and confusion written all over her face. "I have to go—I'll talk to you later."

With that, she turned and walked away.

This time, he didn't follow.


	7. Flight

What to do? What was there to do when the love of your life desperately tells you that he is leaving his wife because he wants to be with you always? She had waited months and months to hear those words and yet, as soon as she did she bolted like a frightened colt.

Her stomach churned as she thought about the glazed look in his eye, the wildness of the confession, the hurt that had been his when she didn't respond the way he wanted her to. Her head ached and she wanted nothing more than to go to bed. She wanted Derek, she wanted Finn and she wanted nothing and everything all in the same breath.

She would have gladly given her soul for a bottle of rum and some time alone.

"Right here." She instructed. "The one on the left." Meredith turned awkwardly, snapping out of her reverie and let out a groan of distress. Having your arm in a sling was no picnic, especially when one needed to reach into their own pockets.

"Thanks."

"Have a nice day, miss. Hope your arm feels better." The elder gentlemen wished her kindly.

"Me too." She smiled. Having a nice cab driver was such a monumentous event, she should have called the news.

She handed the money to the driver and made her way out of the yellow cab. As she looked up at the house before her she saw Finn standing in the livingroom window. She cringed—couldn't help it—she didn't belong with him, didn't deserve his goodness, his kindness----and yet, she hadn't gone home, she'd come strait here.

Granted, he had called her about ten o'clock, very excited and told her that he'd be awake when she got 'home'----that he needed to talk to her and that it was very 'big'. The very fact that he'd referred to his dwelling as her home made her uneasy. Even though she wanted something real, something fantastic, she felt that he was going to fast. It was all way to fast for her.

There had been a kind of languidness in her relationship with Derek—Probably because it hadn't gone where it was supposed to and hadn't turned out the way that she thought it would. But still, it had been a slow burn from the beginning and had continued on, even to where they were now. Except now it wasn't slow; It was passionate and harsh and full of everything from anger to blood red lust. She knew she was his and vice versa. The problem was where did they go from there?

As the cab started down the drive, she suddenly felt panic hit her in the face like a bucket of water. She didn't want to be here now. She needed to get away and think, not keep immersing herself in the two men who had made her feel inside out and backwards. Come to think of it, that bottle of rum sounded mighty good right about then.

"Wait!" She turned and ran and tapped the trunk. The driver stopped and, taking one last look at Finn's house, she opened the back door and hopped in.

"Change your mind miss?"

Somehow, she felt better. "Ya. I did. I changed my mind."

GREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGREYSGR

Meredith opened the front door and made her way down the hall. She could hear sounds from the kitchen; The radio blaring, the sound of cutlery and dishes being plunked on the table. Good natured bantering from her two roommates was always a point of comfort for her, made her feel at home.

"Can you put chocolate chip's in mine?"

"George—I already told you that I'm making french toast—and I'm not putting chocolate chips in it."

"Please?"

"No."

"You're bossy."

"You're an ass."

"Jeez, Izzy, does Denny know how domineering you are?"

"Oh, shut up!"

Meredith grinned despite her aching arm. She loved the camaraderie of her house, the good times they had—even if things were still strained between her and George she knew that they would get back to normal eventually.

She entered the kitchen and was immediately touched by the sight of her squabbling roommates, her best friends. They both turned when she entered.

"Hi."

"How's your arm?" George asked, coming over and touching the sling gingerly. "You had quite a fall on your getaway flight from Shepard."

"I know. It was stupid. Believe me I feel stupid enough to wonder if I am somehow mentally challenged."

He shook his head. "Not mentally challenged, Mer." He corrected, with a hint of laughter in his eyes. "You're men–tally challenged!"

Izzy laughed. "He's right!" She pointed her spatula at Meredith. "It's true! You are men-tally challenged and have been for quite some time."

Meredith rolled her eyes but the truth was that she didn't mind this kind of banter. She knew they had her best interests at heart, even if it was hard for George. "Thanks guys." She said flatly as she slid into her seat. "I knew there was a reason that I had to come home—just to get made fun of when my life is falling apart."

"You know that's not true." Izzy argued as she brought over a plate for her. It smelled delicious and Izzy hadn't wasted all of that time in her trailer as a kid. She'd learned to bake as a distraction from her alcoholic mother. "We love you and we support you—even if you've gotten yourself into a mess with this one."

George grabbed his plate and sat down opposite Meredith. "What are you going to do? Keep them both?" He chewed thoughtfully. "You know, you could always move to Utah, do the old Mormon thing and have more than one husband."

"Oh shut up, you neandrathol." Izzy chided, as she sat down. "Don't listen to him. He still wonders why Happy Days was taken off the air."

He widened his eyes. "Hey—Happy Days was one of the best shows on television—so don't knock it." He said defensively.

She gave George a dirty look before continuing. "You have to pick love. No matter who it is. Who makes you the happiest?"

She sighed. " I always thought that it was Derek—but Finn is so sweet and he'd do anything for me. Derek told me that he's leaving Addison and he wants to be with me." She confessed, watching for both of their reactions. She wasn't disappointed.

Both Izzy and George stopped their forks in mid air. "He told you that?" George leaned forward. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Did he say those exact words or was it the general jist of the conversation?"

"She didn't write it down George!" Izzy snapped. "Next time she can bring the stenographer and get it all typed up for you." She turned back to Meredith. "He wants to be with you, he's leaving Addison and you're having mixed feelings about it?"

She nodded. "He told me that he wants to be with me and have kids with me. I just don't know what to do."

"Mer----you've waited for Derek for an entire year. You've just met Finn and no matter how great he is you can't discount the love that you and Derek share." She shook her head. "It's that way with Denny and me. No matter what Alex and I had, it was nothing compared to what I have with Denny, what we're going to have together."

"I'm happy for you Iz."

Izzy beamed. "I know. True love is the only way to go. You can't waste your time on someone who isn't truly your soulmate. I know that Denny is mine and no matter what an ass McDreamy has been I think that he's your's as well." She looked over at George, who was suddenly quiet. "What's wrong with you?"

Meredith looked at him. He was staring down at his plate. "George?"

He looked up and smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Sorry, all of this love talk just makes me feel weird sometimes."

"What do you mean? You're in love with Callie."

He shrugged. "I don't know what it is yet." He pushed his food around on his plate. "It's complicated."

"What's so complicated about it?" Izzy joked. "You've been together for at least four months. Don't you know how you feel about her?"

He rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "I feel surprisingly scared sometimes. I'm not ready to be what she wants me to be."

"George—what do you think she wants?" Meredith asked softly.

"To get married." He confessed dully. "I don't think I'm ready for that—it's just that she's in one place and I'm in the other—and there's more to it than that."

The woman exchanged glances. "Well, what is it?"

He looked from one to the other. "You have to swear that you won't tell anyone—I mean swear on your own lives—and I mean it!"

They both nodded.

He took a deep breath. "She's pregnant."


	8. Decisions

Meredith slowly climbed to the top of the stairs and sighed. She felt awful for the predicament that George had found himself in. She knew that he wasn't completely over her and that he still found it uncomfortable to mention Derek and herself in the same sentence; He still gave her 'the' look—the one that radiated 'why can't you just love me the way that I love you'?----and it still made her feel guilty sometimes. At the very least, he'd moved back home with her and Izzy and every day he was getting closer to being back to normal.

Now he was having a baby with Callie Torres.

And he still wasn't sure if he even loved her.

She made her way down the hall and into her bedroom and shut the door softly. As she undressed she thought about love and how it could be so unfair; It was Russian Roulette and no one ever really knew where they stood or even if they would win the ultimate prize—but they still played. They played for the chance that they could win, could change their lives into something that was better, deeper, rich. Those who found love were truly rich—they had played the game of chance and won—but what about those who bet it all and came away with half of what they started? What about the people who loved too much, who loved someone else who could never truly love them in return on that same level?

Meredith loved Derek—and he couldn't give her exactly what she _needed_. George loved Meredith and she couldn't give him what he _wanted_. Callie loved George and was pregnant and hoping that he would love her completely and _forget_ that he'd loved Meredith.

She managed to pull on a loose fitting pink nightie and lie down when the shrill ringing of the phone interrupted her reverie. Gingerly, she leaned over and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Meredith?" Finn's worried voice came across the line, immediately tying her stomach in a thousand knots. "Are you alright? I saw you outside with a sling on your arm."

She sighed, hating the fact that he was so darn—_concerned_—and she wished that he wasn't It sure would take away some of the guilty feelings. "Ya. I'm fine----I just wanted to sleep in my own bed." She said lamely, as she balanced the phone on her shoulder and adjusted her sling with her free hand. "I had an accident at work last night and I'm still pretty sore."

_Running away from the love of my life._

"What happened?"

"I–"She faltered, wondering whether or not to tell him the truth. "I fell down the stairs on my way to the lab." Well, it _was_ true. "I landed on my arm and it's not sprained but it's pretty bruised. I"m just wearing a sling for a couple of days."

"I'm glad that you're ok." He sounded relieved. "So—" He clicked his tongue and she wondered if he was annoyed. "Why did you go home when I could have looked after you here?"

It wasn't an accusation—yet. But she knew that he wasn't happy about her not staying.

"I just wanted to go to bed in my own house, Finn." She said wearily. "I didn't plan on falling down and hurting myself and besides it's not like we live together."

"No, but you still could have called me." His tone held a slight reprimand.

This time she sighed loudly. "Look, I"m not trying to be rude here, but I'm really sore and I'm exhausted and I have to be back at the hospital in less than ten hours. Can we talk about this later?"

"Of course we can." He agreed. "I'm sorry Meredith—I just have such great news and I really wanted to tell you in person!"

"What news?"

"I can't tell you now. How about I pick you up for work and we'll grab a bite on the way?" He sounded like a school boy—so enthusiastic, so alive.

"Okay." She agreed. "How about four-thirty?"

"I'll see you then."

**gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagag**

Derek opened the door to the trailer softly and peeked his head inside. He didn't hear anything, didn't see Addison, and figured that now was as good a time as any to grab his beer and sit on the deck.

He didn't want to fight anymore with either Addy or Meredith. He felt broken hearted and lonely—which was not an easy thing to admit to, especially when he was married to one and dreaming about the other. Tears pricked behind his eyes as he grabbed the cold beer from the fridge and proceeded outside. He took off his raincoat and tossed it on the empty chair beside him.

_Go home to your wife, Derek._

_You don't belong to me._

Meredith's words echoed though his mind, always on instant replay. She doesn't want you anymore, pal. Suck it up. Be a man.

When had his life become so----stale and stagnant? By all rights he should have been happy with Addison, should have been proud to have such a lovely and accomplished wife—and even though he had tried he still couldn't stop loving Meredith.

It's not fair—not halfway to fair, he thought miserably as he took a good long drink. He was one of the best surgeons in the Country. He was good looking, not a drug user, responsible with money. He had pretty much what every woman was looking for—and he was completely and utterly at a loss.

At the sound of the screen door opening he felt himself flinch. He shouldn't have even bothered to come home. At this rate, he'd finished one fight and was now on to round two. Fighting with the wife and the mistress in the same morning had to be some kind of record.

He looked up at her—the wife that he still didn't know—the woman who shared his life, his bed—and felt nothing but regret—regret for wasting so much time when he knew that it would never work. She wore a green robe of silk and wore her red hair piled on top of her head.

No one could say that Addison Montgomery-Shepard wasn't an attractive woman; She had a super-sexy confidence about her----a real man eater at heart—and her combination of brains and beauty certainly hadn't escaped the attention of one Mark Sloan. How ironic it was because at that moment Derek Shepard truly wished that Mark would come back and sweep Addison off of her feet.

"Good morning." She said carefully, as she hung his coat on the back of the lawn chair and proceeded to sit down across from him. She studied him intently—he looked terrible—and she knew at once that he was brooding. "Did you have a good shift?"

"It was alright." He sipped his beer moodily. "Nothing special."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Addison."

He was still angry and she knew that trying to make him talk was going to be useless. She knew him inside and out and knew that he'd had a fight with someone—and she knew exactly who the person in question was.

"You two have a fight?"

His eyes snapped toward her, fire igniting within. "What?" He asked sharply. Leaning forward, he pointed his index finger at her. "What did you just ask me?"

Her eyes narrowed. She'd had enough. "I know you, Derek. I know that you had an argument with her—or else you wouldn't be like this." She leaned back in her chair and crossed one leg over the other. "We should be able to talk about this. Like adults." She added.

"I"m not talking about her with you."

"Why not? It's the only thing we have left in common." She shot back.

"I'm not going there with you."

"Well, it's not up to you anymore." She stated flatly. "I want to talk about Meredith and you're going to listen."

"I don't have to take this shit." He snapped.

"No." She corrected. "_I_ don't have to take this shit."

He went to stand but she put her hand out and pushed him back. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Something that I should have done a year ago."

"What's that?"

"I give up."

He widened his eyes. "What does that mean?"

She looked around at the scenery around them. "I mean that I'm not going to try and make this work anymore. You love someone else. I know that. I get it." She reached up to wipe a lone tear from her delicate lashes. "I'm going to stay at the Seattle Inn." She announced softly. "I've signed the papers. The only thing left is for you to sign them. But if you want to try again I'll stay."

" I don't know what to say." His voice was softer, calmer now. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you when I shouldn't have."

"What do you want to do? Sign? Not sign?"

He took a last swig of beer and tossed the can aside. "I want to..."

TBC


	9. Different Kind

"I give up."

He widened his eyes. "What does that mean?"

She looked around at the scenery around them. "I mean that I'm not going to try and make this work anymore. You love someone else. I know that. I get it." She reached up to wipe a lone tear from her delicate lashes. "I'm going to stay at the Seattle Inn." She announced softly. "I've signed the papers. The only thing left is for you to sign them. But if you want to try again I'll stay."

" I don't know what to say." His voice was softer, calmer now. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you when I shouldn't have."

"What do you want to do? Sign? Not sign?"

He took a last swig of beer and tossed the can aside. "I want to be with Meredith—and it absolutely kills me. I wish that I'd never met her. I wish that she didn't make me feel."

The silence was deafening.

"And I hate myself for being this way." He continued dully. "I hate myself for hurting you again. For not being here when you needed me. I don't want to think about her and if I could I would turn back the clock and never come to Seattle." He looked down at his hands and then back up at her. "But I can't."

She nodded. "I know."

"I'm so sorry, Addy. I'm sorry for everything."

Another tear slipped past and this time she let it fall. She sat down heavily and shook her head. "Than there's only one last thing to do." She said simply, although she was falling apart. Part of her had hoped that he'd tell her she was silly, that the last thing he would do was go and be with someone else. She had been wrong, she thought bitterly. She'd been a fool to come to Seattle. And she would continue to be a fool as long as she stayed with a man who was miserable.

"I know." She said softly. "It's just as much my fault as it was yours." She admitted, dabbing her lashes again. "I cheated on you with Mark and I started this—this—end to us. I really thought that when I came to Seattle that things would be different. And then I saw you with her and I knew that you were in love. I could see it in your eyes. They sparkled, Der."

He reached out and took her hand and squeezed. "We don't have to talk about this, you know."

'I know." She agreed. "But it feels good to finally be talking to you about something that you're passionate about. Even if it is another woman." She held up her hand before he could comment. "Derek, she lights you up like I used to do. She loves you completely and believe it or not I understand that kind of love. It was the love that we used to have before life got so complicated and upside down."

"I'm sorry." He repeated.

"I know you are and so am I. I'm sorry that our marriage had to end like this. You have always been my best friend and my other half and it will be hard to give that up. But I don't want to lose you in every way. It will take time and I won't be able to talk to you for a while but someday I want our friendship back. The kind that we had twelve years ago."

"I think we can do that." He smiled, a small turned down smile. "In time we can get there, Addy." He brought her hand to his lips and gave it a kiss. "I don't deserve your kindness. But thank you for understanding."

"No. You don't." She agreed. "But I didn't deserve a second chance and you gave one to me. I do love you, Derek."

"I love you too—it's just a different kind of love now."

"I guess it is."

He stood up and stretched. "I guess I'll get those papers then?"

"I guess we should."

They both went inside and with a trembling hand, she brought them to him. He sat down at the table and took a pen from his shirt pocket. His hand shook. It was so real––so final. But necessary for him to prove to Meredith that he was ready for a real commitment.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked, watching him.

"Addy, I feel bad enough."

"I'm sorry."

He flipped through the pages and signed on the line. When he was finished he looked up at the woman he had been married to for twelve long years. She was crying openly now, tears streaming down her face. Immediately feeling guilty, knowing that he was the cause of so much pain, he stood and took her in his arms. She clung to him and sobbed.

"Goodbye Derek."

"Goodbye, Addison."

"Derek?" She asked, her head still laying on his shoulder.

"Umm?"

"Make sure you treat her right."

"I will."


	10. Bombs Away!

At exactly four o'clock, Finn knocked on the front door of Meredith's house. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, hands clasped behind his back. Besides being nervous about his good news, he was apprehensive about Meredith and what her leaving in a cab that morning really meant.

He was not a man full of fanciful dreams that were impossible to achieve; Rather, he was practical, strong willed and sometimes stubborn—especially when he wanted something. And what he wanted was Meredith Grey—in his life, his bed, his home. But he also knew that something had spooked her. She'd been fine up until that morning. She'd almost taken him to bed the day after the prom and he'd stayed strong—sometimes wishing he hadn't—and tried to show her how much he was falling for her.

He doubted that she didn't know how he felt, but he didn't doubt that he might have come on a little too strong. But, like it or not, he was not the kind of man who sat around and waited for things to happen; He went out, tried like hell, worked his butt off, and usually came out on top. He only feared that this time things might not go his way.

But he'd damn sure try.

Dressed in a pair of faded Levi's and a black turtleneck sweater, Izzy almost thought that Meredith had lost her mind. He was one of the most handsome men she'd ever seen—well, besides her husband-to-be.

"Hello." She greeted cordially, swinging the door wide and allowing him to step inside. "How are you, Finn?"

He grinned. "I'm super, Izzy." He reached out and shook her hand. "How's Denny?"

She was touched that he'd ask. "He's great! He'll be out by the end of next week if all goes well." She grinned back at him. " Meredith's just getting dressed. She'll be down in a minute. Do you want some cookies? I just baked some double fudge."

"How could I say no to that?" He laughed and proceeded behind her into the kitchen.

"Sit down." She offered, her back to him. She took some milk out of the fridge and set about getting a plate of piping hot cookies for him. "So, how's the vet business treating you?"

"Oh, it's been good. I've been very lucky and the pay ain't bad either." He joked. He leaned his arms on the table and clasped his hands together.

She walked over with their beverages and took a seat across from him. "I bet. Anyone who can make a living taking care of sick animals should be paid well."

"You don't like animals?" She didn't answer and he didn't push. He bit into a cookie and sighed. "This is delicious!" He quickly polished it off and reached for another. "Where'd you learn to bake like this?"

"It was kind of a distraction technique that I picked up when I was a kid." She said softly as she bit into a cookie and closed her eyes. "My mom was an alcoholic and things around our house weren't all that great—so I just learned to take my mind off of it by cooking."

"I'm sorry to hear that." He said sincerely. " I guess you did a lot of baking then?"

She laughed. "Enough to open my own bakery."

"These are the best cookies I've ever eaten!"

"Thanks."

"Are you sure you're taken?"

The look she gave him was pure heaven. "Absolutely."

"I thought so."

"Trying the cookie seduction angle, are you?" Came a soft voice from behind. "You have to watch her, Finn. She's pretty sneaky."

Izzy snorted and Finn turned around as Meredith came into the kitchen. She had managed to dress herself except for the zipper on her hooded sweatshirt–which really didn't matter anyway. Finn grinned, his blue eyes sparkling, and stood up and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry." He assured her. "I've seen this trick before and I'm absolutely immune to its charms." He looked over at Izzy. "No offence intended."

"None taken." She shot back, giving him a wide smile. "You couldn't possibly tear me away from my man."

"Should we get going?" Meredith asked. "I'd like to eat before work. I'm starving."

"Let's go." He took his keys out of his pocket. "See you later Izzy. Thanks for the cookies."

"Bye guys. See you later, Mer."

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaagagagagagagagagagagagagaggagaagag

"So, what did you want to tell me?" Meredith asked, as he strapped her into the seatbelt. He waited until he pulled away from the curb before answering.

"Well, you know how I told you that sometimes I just want to get away from it all and do something else with my life?"

"Sure."

"How I want to take time off and do the things I've always wanted to do. To take you on a trip or a cruise–whatever—I did something that is going to change my life!" He was so excited, so animated—it made her uneasy.

She eyed him suspiciously. "Ya?"

"Well, I sold my practice yesterday." He announced grandly. He glanced over at her, waiting to hear her response.

"You _what_?"

"I sold my practice."

"As in it's no longer yours?"

"Yep. Wild, huh?"

"It's really—unbelievable." She just didn't understand.

"Just think about it----now I can take off whenever I want—do whatever I want. Isn't that great?"

She cleared her throat. "But you love your practice—you love helping animals. Why would do that?"

"I'm tired, Meredith." He shook his head. "I'm tired and I want a change. I've been a vet for ten years and I want to do something else—whatever that may be. I want to travel and go places and see the world." He frowned when she didn't say anything. "What?"

"I'm just shocked." She stumbled over her words, trying to articulate her disbelief. "Finn, why now? Why are you doing this now? It doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't have to make sense. I want to do this so I did it. It's quite simple, really."

"Well, if it's really want you wanted." She offered, not knowing what else to say. "So, what are you going to do now?"

"I think you should re-phrase the question."

"Huh?"

"WE."

"We, what?"

"What are we going to do now?"

"What are you talking about?" She was really starting to feel the panic again—like the panic she'd felt that morning when he'd been waiting for her at the apartment—he was too close, invading her space, not giving her time or even the time to think.

"I want to move to New York." He blurted.

"What!"

He pulled the car into the restaurant and shut off the ignition and turned to face her. He grabbed her free hand in his.

"Meredith, I want you to move to New York with me."


	11. Foot In Mouth

Break time at Seattle Grace was an open-fest for gossip. Nurses, interns, doctors alike, would all get their days fill in just twenty minutes. Who's dating who, who slept with who, who's crying over who and just who did Dr. Shepard and Dr. Grey think they were fooling? They couldn't possibly out-wit the professionals they worked with on a daily basis could they? Nurse Debbie heard that they'd done it in the on-call room twice and then snuck out to the parking lot for another round----Nurse Calloway heard that Addison caught them in the parking lot. Male Nurse Josh Carrington heard that Addison had slept with Meredith's date in the women's washroom. Of course, none of that was true----accept the on-call room----but who cared? It was just so—_juicy_.

All of the interns, minus Meredith, who was getting her arm checked by Dr. Baily, were outside enjoying a warm evening. Temperatures were medium, as were tempers.

"He asked her to _what_?" Cristina hissed, coffee mid-way to her lips. Her dark eyes were full of disbelief. "Is he crazy or just plain old stupid? Isn't there some kind of rule that states that you just can't live with someone after a couple of weeks."

"It is _usually _called common sense." Said George. "He doesn't seem to have any."

"He's a man in love." Izzy countered, taking up for Finn. She took a big bite of her bagel. "He's one of those people who just knows what he wants."

"Stalker." Alex muttered. "He's seriously disturbed if he asks her to move away with him. He's only known her for like two months. Dude's messed up if you ask me."

"Well, nobody would expect a person like you to understand what it feels like to actually care about someone." Izzy snapped cooly. He rolled his eyes, as did Cristina. "That's why I"m marrying the most wonderful man in the world and you are going to end up alone."

His eyes saucered wide. "Hey now-----just because you've got it in your head that this heart guy is the McDreamy of hospital patients does not mean that----"

Cristina put out her hand and shook her head. They were not going to re-hash this conversation for the millionth time. Most of the time Izzy and Alex were like feuding teenagers and it drove her nuts. "Okay kids, we're not going there again. I'm all used up on that little melodrama." She commented dryly, anxious to get back to the topic at hand.

"Amen to that." George muttered, taking a big sip of coffee. "Let's just not go there. I don't think my head can handle it."

"Shut up O'Malley." Alex snapped, throwing his wadded up napkin at George. "At least I don't have to bone a chick that's twice my size and desperate to boot."

George refused to be goaded into an argument. "Well----then there's just more for me, isn't there? You really are a classy guy. Really classy. Maybe someday you'll understand what it means to be in a real relationship, Karev." Even though George wasn't angry, his words hit home. Alex wasn't big on feelings, emotions or even fidelity—But it didn't take a fool to see that he knew he'd messed up royally with Isobelle Stevens----and now it was too late.

Alex didn't respond, only shot Izzy a scathing glance and got to his feet. "Whatever."

Cristina shook her head—not having time for moody, brooding men. "Anyway, what did she tell him?"

Izzy sighed. "She was so shocked I don't think she could say much."

Cristina framed her hands in the air, like the lights of a billboard. "How about, 'No thanks—I'm all filled up with crazy'. The nut house is down the street."

George chuckled. "I guess the man has plans. If Meredith moves to New York with him at least he'd have her all to himself."

Everyone turned at the sound of a tray dropping to the ground.

It was none other than Dr. McDreamy himself.

And he did not look pleased.


	12. Admission

Earlier that day:

"Finn, I don't know what to say." Meredith said softly, as she pulled her hand away from his and ran it through her hair. "I really don't. She stared out the window, her stomach in knots. What the hell was he thinking? Well he _obviously _wasn't. She couldn't get it through her mind, much less put it into words. What he was asking was impossible—wasn't it?

"You don't have to decide anything today." He urged, hurt that she had pulled her hand away from his. It signified so much more than words could say. She was distancing herself from him already. In the back of his mind he'd known that it was quick—well, too quick—but he was following his heart. "I'm not asking for marriage or anything, but New York is the best city in the entire planet, Meredith. Think about the opportunity we'd have there."

"But what about my job? My life?" She turned to face him. "Have you thought about that?"

"What about it?"

"I live here. I _like_ living here."

"You'll like living there too." He smiled at her, as if she were being silly. "Mer, you're making way too much out of this. Think about the adventures we'd have—the things we could see and do. Why would you want to stay here? You could get a job in New York."

"I like Seattle Grace. I intern there—did you forget that?"

"No. You can intern anywhere."

She shook her head. It all felt wrong. She felt as if she were caught in a current, unable to swim ashore. The water was too strong and she was too weak.

"I like where I work."

"It's not like you won't make new friends."

"How am I supposed to pack up my life and move to New York when my job is here? My friends and family are here—it's not something that I've ever considered." She implored, not liking his tone. In her opinion, it was selfish, not to mention that they'd only known each other for a couple of months. Something was holding her back—more than any of the other reasons.

Derek Shepherd.

" Consider it now." He popped a piece of gum into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. "Want some?"

"No. I don't want gum." She replied. "I should get going to the hospital."

He widened his eyes. "Why? Just because of what I asked?"

"Yes, Finn. Because of what you asked. I don't want to talk about this with you right now. I'm hungry and tired and my arm is killing me. This is too much for me."

"I'm just asking you to think about it." He countered, reaching over and taking her hand into his again. "Unless there's another reason why you don't want to move." He insinuated.

"We're not going there." She snapped, suddenly wishing that she'd said no when he'd called earlier—the entire conversation was one-sided—Finn's side----and she didn't like where it was headed.

"That's where you're wrong." He argued. "We need to talk about your doctor, Meredith. I know you aren't over him and I think getting away from him would be good for you."

"For me?" She asked. "Or for you?"

He blanched. "For you, of course. You're being silly here."

"No." She countered. "You're being silly and unrealistic. You expect me to move away with you when we've barely begun dating. _That's_ silly."

He raised his hand. "Now, hang on----"

"No! You hang on." She snapped again, her blue eyes icy. "You don't want me to be at the same hospital as Derek. Am I right about that? You're afraid that every time I step into the hospital that I'm going to screw him, aren't you?"

"No—that's not what I said."

"You don't have to say it." She said wearily. "Please take me to work. I'll eat there."

"I want to talk about this."

"Well, I don't." She sighed. "Are you going to take me or do I have to call a cab?"

"I'll take you." He turned on the ignition and pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the road, glancing over at her every few seconds. His plan hadn't worked, but in the corner of his mind he knew that she was right. He didn't want her anywhere near Derek Shepherd. And he did think about the two of them together all the time. All of the damn time and no matter how much he wanted Meredith Grey he knew at that moment that he'd never have her.

"So, I guess I can take your answer as a 'no' then?"

"I'm sorry, Finn. I like you but I don't think this is fair to you. I'm not over Derek and I don't know when I will be and you're a wonderful man and I really like you, but this isn't going to work."

They didn't speak again until he pulled up to the hospital entrance. She unsnapped her seatbelt and leaned over and gave him a kiss.

One last kiss.

"I'm sorry, Finn." She whispered.

"Me too." She could tell that she hurt him, as he sat there staring at her, his blue eyes burning guilt into the inner most part of her soul. He was taking it so well, when just a few minutes ago he'd been practically begging her to move. But she understood why he had done so.

He'd forced her to admit the truth about Derek to him—and most of all----to herself.

She got out and shut the door and gave him a small wave. He turned down the window as she walked away.

"Meredith!"

She turned. "Ya?"

"If he doesn't treat you right or things don't work out----just give me a call."

She nodded, knowing that it was the last time she would ever see him. She turned and walked toward the entrance, her heart pounding.

She was going to find Derek. And this time they had a few things to get strait.


	13. Illusions

If Meredith loved Derek she surely had a funny way of showing it—and every second that ticked by made him angrier and angrier that she would contemplate a move to another city with a man that she had known for barely an adequate amount of time. She was his—body and soul—and he seriously doubted that anyone would ever know her the way that he did. It was enraging and primal, the feelings of possessiveness that he felt for her----but it was in his blood, and it was a part of him as much as breathing. The tightness in his stomach hadn't gone away; the feeling of utter dread when he had to admit to himself that maybe this time she was over him. It scared him—the way that he became almost an animal with the need he felt for her; He needed her, he wanted her. She was his and no one else was supposed to touch her. Over and over and over, his mind reeled with the possibility that she wouldn't come back to him.

It was over with Addison and as far as he knew Meredith didn't even know that the papers had been signed. The divorce had been for the best, either way. He and Addy had grown apart years ago, and the truth was that he hadn't been in love with her. He thought he knew what love was, could pinpoint it, could live with it----until he met the woman who had jump-started his heart and now there was no going back.

He could not let her go again.

He did his rounds, checked his patients and managed not to run into her—he'd successfully avoided any potential confrontation with her but he was still miserable. Then he'd seen her from a distance as she walked down the hall with Dr. Stevens and Dr. Karev. She didn't see him, as he stood there watching her. She'd taken the sling off of her arm but it was clear that it was still tender. She and Stevens were having an animated conversation while it seemed the Karev was brooding over something—probably Denny Duquette. He stood there until the three had turned a corner and disappeared from sight and unconsciously, he sighed.

"Dr. Shepherd."

He blinked.

Dr. Shepherd!" A little louder.

Nothing.

"Get it together." Miranda Bailey snapped, irritated. She followed his line of vision and sighed. "You still mooning over my intern?"

"Huh?" He turned, his blue eyes settling on hers. "I'm sorry Miranda. What did you want?"

She rolled her eyes and lowered her voice. "I want you to stop obsessing over _my_ intern—that's what. It's not enough that you had to go and embarrass yourself and your reputation by philandering in the on-call room but now everyone in this hospital is talking about it."

"I do know how to put on a good show." He said dryly.

Her eyes widened. "A good show? Humph!" She put her hands on her hips. "The only thing you know how to do is get yourself in trouble, boy! Get it together and finish this thing with her because I've seen enough moping to bring me into eternity."

He absently, rubbed a hand over his stubble, considering her words. She was about the only one he'd listen to. She'd been a good friend over the years and he knew she was right. "You're right."

"That's it?"

"What more to you want? My firstborn child?" He muttered.

She smacked him on the arm. Hard. "No, what I want is for you two to get it together so that she can get back to normal. She's been going around her for the better part of a year with a broken heart and I swear to the Good Lord above that if you do this to her again I will _personally_ take it upon myself—" She leaned in closer and locked her eyes on his—her 'I mean business' eyes. "to hurt you in places where only your momma and a few others have seen. You got me?"

He grinned, amused. Miranda always managed to lift his spirits. "I got you, Miranda. But to tell you the truth, she doesn't want to talk to me. She's pretty much ignoring me."

"Of course she is! Are you dumber than you look, Shepherd?" She sighed—why did men always need the simplest of things explained?

He put his hand over his heart and feigned hurt. "What was that for?"

"You were a married man—she feels terrible about it—" She lifted her chin. "Like any self-respecting woman should. Now she doesn't know how to act around you."

"I don't get it."

She grinded her teeth. "It's not brain surgery, Shepherd." She almost smiled. "Figure it out."

"Ha, ha."

"You just remember what I told you." She pointed at him as she turned away. "Hear me?"

"Loud and clear." He gave her a mock salute.

"I'll give you loud and clear." She mumbled to herself as she walked away. "Loud and clear where the sun don't shine. Keep on messin around with my interns there's gonna be hell to pay..."

Meredith, balancing a cup of very hot tea, sat down beside George tentatively. She'd known that he would be sitting on the forth floor landing, on the hard concrete. He always came there when he wanted to think about stuff. The pregnancy with Callie had terrified him and now when he wanted to avoid her he came to the landing and just sat.

"Hey." She said softly, offering the cup to him. "I brought you some tea."

He shook his head. "No thanks."

"Are you alright?" She crossed her legs, Indian fashion. "I'm here if you want to talk, George. I care about you."

Hurt briefly flashed across his features, but faded as quickly as it had come. "I know that." He replied. He rested his arms on his knees and let his head fall. "I don't know what to do about this." He confessed. "I don't know what to tell her."

"How do you feel?"

"Scared, shocked, terrified." He mumbled. "Take your pick."

"George, do you love Callie?"

"No—yes—I don't know. Don't ask me that. It's making my blood pressure rise."

"What does she think?"

"You don't want to know what she thinks." He raised his head and looked over at her. "She wants to get married—can you imagine that? I'm not ready to be a father and I'm not ready to have a baby and I can't tell her that I don't want it—it would be too hurtful and cruel—but Mer, I'm not sure that I can do this." He confessed.

"Me either. Love is hard—it's not what you think it is. When you think you fall in love sometimes it's just an illusion. You're up in the air, and your floating and it's wonderful because you can see everything from up high. It's better than being on the ground. But when that bubble bursts you land hard and you're stunned. Stunned because you never expected to fall."

"Like you and Derek?"

She nodded. "Like me and Derek."

Switching topics, George reached over and squeezed her hand affectionately. "What are you going to do? Do you still love him as much as you did before?"

She felt her heart beat quicken and her stomach flip. "Yes. I do. I'll always love him, I'm afraid."

"Then get him, Mer. You know what you want."

"I know. But I'm scared."

"What other choice do you have?" He probed. "You love him and now we know that he loves you. So, there isn't any choice."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed. "I mean that you belong to each other----really belong. The way I see it is that there's really only one great love in our lives and sometimes we get lucky enough have it, to hold it." He squeezed her hand, the pain in his eyes evident, for some would say that_ she_ was his one great love and they both knew it. " There's nothing more painful than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back and you both love each other. If you have someone who loves you back then you should go for it. Life's too short to waste it on someone you don't love completely."

"George—" She began.

He shook his head. "No, it's okay, Meredith. I know that things never would have worked out between us. I've accepted that. If I'm your friend for the rest of my life it will be enough. You're my family and I don't ever want to lose that."

He had put tears in her eyes. It was too bad that she couldn't love him the way he needed her to, but it simply wasn't to be. "I love you too, George. I really do."

He released his hold on her hand and ran his hand through his hair. "So, what are we going to do?"

She grinned. "I don't know. But if Cristina can have a lasting, yet dysfunctional, relationship with Dr. Burke, I'm sure there's hope for us. What about you?"

"Ask me when I'm forty."

"George—"

"I don't know, Mer. I'm scared."

"Me too."

"George?"

"What?"

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

They both sat in silence, but Meredith moved over until she and George were completely next to each other and laid her head on his shoulder. He tipped his head until it rested against hers.

And for now, that was enough.


	14. Seriously?

"Hey, beautiful, how do I look today?" Denny asked his bride-to-be as she came into the room. His cheeks were healthy with color, his wonderful eyes alert and shining. He smiled at her and her whole world lit up.

She smiled back at him, her heart so relieved to find him alive. Every single day since his surgery Izzy worried that time spent away from would end up being fatal—that his body would reject his new heart, or worse, that he might have a blood clot. It would most definitely be a quick death, if she had to choose, but one that would happen in a mere second. It made her want to elope----to marry him right there in his hospital bed. To hell with the rest of it.

"You look gorgeous." She leaned down to give him a kiss on the lips and tenderly ran her fingertip across his dark unshaven cheek. "Just like always." She checked his monitor, then took her stethoscope off her neck and checked his heart.

He watched her affectionately. He'd never met anyone quite like her but he was forever grateful to have her in his life and soon, to be his wife. He reached up and brushed a stray lock of hair behind her hair. "You don't have to do this, Izzy. I'm fine."

"Shhh." She hushed him, her eyes narrowing in concentration. "You can't talk when I'm doing this."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, darlin." He flashed a grin at her again.

She flicked her gaze at him in mock annoyance. "Maybe we should have gotten you a new pair of ears instead of this heart."

"Oh, my ears work well, woman." He joked, as she took off the scope and hung it around her neck again. She sat down on the bed and took his hand into hers. "And so does my new heart." He added softly.

She looked down. "I know. I can't help but worry about you, that's all."

"You worry wart." He teased.

"I know—I'm just----" She looked around the room, trying to get what she felt into words. "I'm scared that I'll have to give you up some day."

"Like you did Lindsay?"

She nodded. She had told him about the child that she had given up for adoption when she was only a few days old, told him how much it broke her heart. He hadn't condemned her, or judged her. Just held her and told her how brave she was. How unselfish. He knew that it was the hardest decision she'd ever made, seconded only by the cutting of his L-Vad wire.

"You won't have to lose me, baby. I'm here. I'm alive and I'm not going anywhere."

"I can't lose you."

"You won't. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"We're gonna make beautiful babies together and we're going to be a family and I'm gonna tell them all how their mother saved their father and gave him new life. We're gonna be happy. You'll see."

"But what happens if----"

He tilted her chin to meet his gaze with his free hand. "Izzy, I'm fine. I feel fine and I don't want you to worry about me all the time. It's not healthy. Dr. Bailey said that I'd be released at the end of the week. She checks me about every fifteen minutes—and that's in addition to you checking me every fifteen _seconds_."

"Will you still love me if I worry too much?" She asked, lying down beside him and wrapping one arm around his waist.

He kissed her hair and fought back the urge to cry. "I will always love you, no matter how much you worry."

"Me too."

"Marry me?"

"You already asked me that." She giggled. "Or don't you remember?"

"Of course I remember." He chided gently. "I mean now."

"Right now?"

"Tonight. Now. Right now."

She looked up at him, genuine surprise written across her face. She reached up and felt his forehead. "Are you running a fever?"

"Nope. Completely serious." He leaned her forward and made her look at him. "So, what do you say? Marry me? Tonight? I love you Isobelle Stevens. Marry me."


	15. I do

"Meredith!"

She looked over her shoulder to see her best friend running down the hallway towards her. Fear automatically laced her heart and she set her chart down on the desk quickly. "What is it?" She stepped toward Izzy with trepidation. "Is it Denny? Is he okay?" She searched her friends frantic face—but as she got closer she could see that it was filled with elation, not fear.

"He's wonderful!" Izzy gushed, tears filling her eyes. She grabbed Meredith by the shoulders and squeezed.

"Awwww!" Meredith, growled, easing away and rubbing her arm. "Lay off the arm, sister!"

"Sorry." Undaunted, Izzy shook her head. " So, I have a favor to ask you." Her blue eyes bulged with excitement.

"Does it include getting me a new arm, cause I think you just about did this one in!"

"Shut up." Izzy said quickly. "Who cares?"

"I care----says the injured woman—you are actually freakishly strong when you want to be—"

"This—" Izzy hissed excitedly. "Is my moment! So, will you please shut up while I ask you the important question?"

"Okay–okay." Meredith teased. "What is so important that you had to hurt me to get my attention?"

"I want you to be my maid of honor." Izzy threw out her arms in 'ta da' fashion. "So, will you?"

"I'd love to be your maid of honor!" Meredith was touched. "Did you finally decide on a date?"

"Uh huh." She put her hands over her mouth as if to stop any access words from flying out but it was clear that there was so much more to the story.

"So, when is it?"

"Now."

"Now when?"

"Now. As in right now. As in as soon as the chaplin can come to the room." Izzy babbled.

"Seriously?" Meredith's eyes widened in genuine excitement for her friend. It then dawned on her how crazy the whole situation was and the lack of time that they had to pull it off. "Seriously!" She yelled, disregarding the looks of several nurses and doctors around them.

"Seriously!" Izzy squealed back.

The two friends embraced and jumped up and down. George, came around the corner to the nurses station and stopped. "What are they doing?" He asked a red-headed nurse named Francey.

"Who knows?" Francey snapped. She'd always been jealous of the two beautiful interns. "Making fools of themselves."

George looked at her, then set his chart down. Jealous girl. Oh well. No matter how silly it looked, he wanted to be included. He'd always thought of them as his girls and he never wanted it to change. He went over to the girls and put his arms around both and joined in the jumping. "What are we jumping for, my ladies?"

"Izzy's getting married!" Meredith answered. Tonight!"

They all stopped jumping, but their arms remained around each other. "Seriously!"

"Uh huh! And I want you to give me away, George! Will you?"

"Of course I will. I"d be honored." George grinned. "And where exactly are we doing this?"

"In Denny's room as soon as the chaplin can get here." Meredith answered. She directed herself to Izzy. "Iz, are you sure you want to get married like this? You don't have a dress and you won't even be able to spend the night with him. You're sure that you don't want to wait until the end of the week?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my whole life." Izzy confirmed.

"Well then—" George slapped his hands together. "My ladies---Let's get crackin!"

By the time everyone gathered in Denny's hospital room, Meredith was sure that she had never seen anything so romantic in all her life. The obvious love that Denny and Izzy shared was the same kind of love that she felt for Derek. She looked from one to the other and smiled. Izzy was so happy and Denny was grinning from ear to ear.

The room was filled with colleagues and friends. Even Dr. Webber was there, along with Dr. Bailey and no one had a problem with the fact that Izzy was marrying a patient. Meredith and Cristina stood beside Izzy, next to Denny's bed and George was on the other side. Dr. Burke stood on the other side, deemed the best man—asked by Denny himself. Cristina had found a bouquet of flowers at the gift shop for Izzy, Meredith and herself, which they all held. Alex was the only one missing, claiming that he had better things to do.

As the Chaplin began Meredith's gaze was drawn toward the door. Derek came in and stood off to the side.

"Doc—come on in here and stand next to Meredith!" Denny called out. "Everyone come closer!" Meredith blanched, but Derek only nodded and proceeded to stand beside her.

"Hi." Meredith whispered as she stood next to her. Damn, he smelled so good, she thought, as she tried to concentrate on the impromptu ceremony.

"Hi." He said softly.

"Denny and Isabelle have chosen to say their own vows." The Chaplin explained to the group. "Go ahead, Isabelle."

She took a deep breath and smiled at everyone around them. "Thank you for coming on such short notice. I bet when you all came to work today that a wedding would be the last thing on your minds." The group laughed. "But it's the only thing that I've been thinking about for days and I'm happy that you all could be here. It means a lot to Denny and me."

She turned to Denny and took his hand and brought it to her lips. "Denny Duquette, you are the man of my dreams. You have given love to me and I want to spend the rest of my life making your dreams come true, holding you in sickness and in health—hopefully there will be no more sickness—but if there is I will always stand by you and hold you hand. I love you and I know that the minute you came into my life that I was blessed."

She took a moment to wipe a tear that had fallen down her cheek. "I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold, to cherish from this day forward. In front of God and these witnesses I promise to love you and support you till death do us part."

The Chaplin cleared his throat. "Denny, go ahead."

Denny's lips quivered and Izzy reached down and wiped the tear that had spilled over his lid tenderly. He looked at the group gathered and took a deep breath. "It means everything to me that you all would be here with us, supporting us and letting us know that you believe in what we want to do. You've all become like family to me over the past few months and I want to thank you all for that. You have made my time at Seattle Grace much more enjoyable than it should have been."

He turned back to Izzy and smiled. "Isabelle Stevens you are the woman of my dreams ten times over. You brought me back from death, from a life without hope, and you took my hand and brought me home—and now my home will be wherever you are. I promise you that from this day forward I will be the man of your dreams. I promise that I will love you in sickness and in health till death do us part. I love you more than any other. My future is you. My future is with you and with the children that we will bring into this world together. I love you."

"By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride." The Chaplin intoned. There were cheers and whistles and clapping for the newly weds as Denny and Izzy kissed.

Meredith couldn't help herself. The love that the two shared was beautiful and pure. Tears poured down her cheeks as she watched. Derek looked over at her and his heart seized. He wanted to be with her----wanted to declare his love for her—wanted to live his life with her.

"I'm okay." She whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes.

He reached down between them and grabbed her hand. He heard her sharp intake of breath as his hand touched hers but she didn't pull away----just laced their fingers together----knowing that somehow, someway, things would be alright.


	16. I Won't Lose You

As the wedding well-wishers gave their congratulations, Cristina and George stood apart from the others surveying the room. George with his hands clasped behind his back and Cristina with her arms crossed across her breasts. The wedding had been short, but sweet and that was exactly how she envisioned her wedding to Preston Burke—if it ever happened.

"Would you look at those two?" She muttered under her breath, of Meredith and Derek, who were standing about two feet apart, both uncomfortable—both trying to pretend that the other didn't exist. Although the hand holding had not escaped the attention of Dr. Yang and she intended to find out exactly what it meant—the two were no longer attached. "Could you please lock them in the closet and make them work out whatever this is?"

George chuckled. "I don't think putting them in a confined space would solve it— it would probably make it worse."

She snorted. "Ya. You're probably right." She looked at Izzy and Denny who were still kissing and generally making everyone else in the room want to leave and give them some privacy. "Well, I guess everyone should get going now. Thank you for stopping by." She intoned, then shrugged at George, who elbowed her lightly.

"What Dr. Yang means—" He began, in a slightly friendlier tone. "Ís that Denny and Izzy would like some time alone. Feel free to go to the cafeteria where—" He looked around for some help and found none. "Where there is food—if you want to buy it yourself—because we had no wedding budget." He clapped his hands together and grinned sheepishly. "And thanks again for coming."

As everyone walked out of the room, Meredith caught Derek's arm. "I need to talk to you." She whispered. "But not here."

He nodded. "On-call room?"

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Fine. Five minutes."

"Good." He left in front of her and they went their separate ways.

GAGAGAGAGAGA

In the short span of five minutes, Meredith learned how it felt for her life to be hanging in the balance. She was sweating bullets, scared to death and her stomach felt sick. She bit the inside of her cheek as she paced around the small room, remembering what had taken place the last time she and Derek were alone.

It was his eyes that had done it. The piercing gaze, he'd given her from across the room as she'd danced with Finn cheek to cheek, the one filled to capacity with jealousy—the kind of look that had scared her because she knew that he loved her and still wanted her----all when she couldn't have him.

Well, that hadn't been _entirely_ true.

Hands—roaming, feasting. Lips on lips, taking, needing. Derek and Meredith—Meredith and Derek—you couldn't tell one from the other. They had been one person, one entity and she desperately hoped that they would be again.

She almost groaned as she envisioned herself on the small table that he'd so quickly set her on. She'd never found her panties after that night and hoped that no one else had either.

Still was still thinking about him when the door opened and he stepped in hurriedly. He shut the door and snicked the lock in place, then stood with his back against the coolness, eyeing her.

Blue eyes locked on blue as they stood staring at one another. The silence was almost deafening.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asked softly.

"I—I—just wanted to see how you were." She said lamely, losing her nerve. She crossed over and sat down on the desk in front of him, but got back up quickly when she realized its last purpose and stood facing him, but looking down at the marble floor.

She could tell that he was disappointed and that he didn't buy it. "Really." He said flatly. "You called me in here to ask me if I was alright?" He stepped away from the door, a fire starting to brim in his eyes. "Or did you maybe call me in here to tell me that you're moving to New York with _our_ Veterinarian?"

She'd underestimated him, not realized that there was a heat to him that she'd not noticed before---He was jealous and now, mad—quite like his attitude when he'd followed her here a few nights before and made her his again.

Meredith looked up at him in surprise. "Who told you that?"

"Does it matter?"

"I think it does." She argued.

"Why? Why does it matter?" He questioned. "Is it true?"

"I think the more important question is who told you, Derek."

"I heard it at lunch, okay?" He shook, he was so upset. "So, is it true?" He demanded.

"Finn asked me to move to New York with him." She admitted. "It's true."

The hurt that flashed across his face crushed her. He looked down at the floor. "So, what I said to you didn't matter then?" He asked dully, but softly, so she knew that there was more anger underneath. "When I told you that I love you and that I was leaving my wife so that we could be together—you just—decide to move with some guy that you've known for like two days?"

"I didn't----" She started, but he cut her off. His voice was raising with every word and she cringed.

"I signed the papers, Meredith." He hissed. "I signed them! And then I find out—second hand—I might add, that you're leaving me for him!" He pointed at her. "I told my wife that I loved you and that I wanted to be with you! How could you do this to me!"

He'd divorced her! He'd divorced his wife for her! She should have been elated but all she could think about was how selfish he was being—the rest would kick in later.

She'd had enough. He was being so selfish and this wasn't the way she'd planned the conversation. "Oh right!" She countered. "You left me for her the first time! You didn't even tell me you were married! So don't give me that crap! And if you would just shut up for two seconds you would have heard me tell you that I said no!"

He looked confused, so she continued. "I said no. That's what I wanted to tell you. I told him that I wasn't over you and I didn't know if I'd ever be. So you win, Derek! Again, you win!"

He started toward her but she backed toward the door, suddenly afraid of what she'd said, of what she'd allowed herself to say. "And again you've turned me into a blubbering, love-sick teenager that get you out of my head!"

"Meredith–" Tears sprang to his eyes as he spoke. "I love you. I want you. Only you." He pushed her against the door and cupped her face with both hands. "Can't you give me another chance?"

Before she could speak he leaned down and crushed his mouth against hers.

"I won't lose you again."


	17. Finally

"_Meredith–" Tears sprang to his eyes as he spoke. "I love you. I want you. Only you." He pushed her against the door and cupped her face with both hands. "Can't you give me another chance?"_

_Before she could speak he leaned down and crushed his mouth against hers._

"_I won't lose you again."_

"What does that mean?" She asked, pulling away from him and shaking her head lightly. "You love me, want me but what does that mean, Derek? What has changed from the last time we were together?"

He blinked, confused as to what she meant. Hadn't he said the words that she'd longed for him to say? Hadn't he made it clear the last time he'd made love to her?

"Well, for starters, I'm divorced now." He said softly. "And I want to be with you. I'd say that everything has changed, wouldn't you?"

She walked over to the ugly plastic orange chair that sat in front of the window and sat down. She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them. "Are you sure about this?"

She asked. "Because I don't think I go through this again if you change your mind."

He crossed over to her and knelt down in front of her. "Meredith, what do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean—" He rubbed her leg gently. " I mean that I've beared my entire soul to you twice in the last two days and you still question me—you still don't believe me—not that I blame you for it, but you just seem standoffish and even when I tell you that you love me I wonder if this is what you really want."

"I'm scared of you." She admitted, tears welling up in her eyes. "My heart has been broken for so long and I"m scared of what will happen."

"Give it to me." He said gently. " I'll take good care of it this time." He held up his right hand and smiled. "Scouts honor."

She grinned. "You were never a scout."

"No." He agreed. "But I did get you to smile."

He turned serious again. "Mer. I love you. I want to be with you and I'll wait as long as it takes and when you're ready I want you to move into the trailer with me again—but this time I want you to be with me forever."

"Why?"

"Why? Do you want me to list all of the reasons why?"

"It would help."

"Okay." He sat back on the floor and crossed his legs Indian style and clasped his hands together in front of him. "I want you to be with me forever because every day for the past year I haven't been half the man I was when I was with you. I want you because sometimes it hurts to breathe when I see you pass by me and not look at me like you did before. I want you because every time I made love to my wife I had to pretend it was you—"

"That was too much information, thanks."

"It was true."

"I don't particularly like the idea of you sleeping with another woman—even if it was your wife." She muttered. "You're ruining it!"

"I wasn't finished." He defended lightly. "It's more than that—more than all of the heartache and torment that I put both of us through just because I thought I was doing the right thing—I want you to be with me forever because I can't stand the thought of going through the rest of my life a broken man." He looked up at her. "Because without you, Meredith Grey, I am hopelessly broken."

Two tears broke lose and made their descent down her cheeks but she made no move to wipe them away. It didn't matter. He loved her. He really did love her and she finally understood how much they needed each other.

"Will that do?" He joked. "Or should I add that I want our children to have a mother and father who actually want to be together?"

"I love you." She whispered. "I really love you, Derek."

"I love you too."

He reached up to her and she got off the chair and sank to her knees beside him as they embraced tightly—both knowing that no matter where they went from here on, even if the road was bumpy, they would be together.

And neither one of them realized how bumpy the road was about to get...


	18. Don't Say It

A.N.: I wanted to take the time to thank all of you who have reviewed this story. It means so much to me and if no one liked it I would have stopped it a long time ago. And special thanks for the review that was sent in by Trina—it **totally** made my day—so, thanks.

This chapter will be short and I do have a reason here...so just bear with me for now...

Three weeks later:

It was happening again—and too frequently for her liking. She raced out of bed and into the bathroom, and, sinking down on the floor, let it all go. Well, she was pregnant—no doubt about it. She had known the signs even before she had taken the test. Her breasts were sore. Check. Her moods were a little swingy. Check. She felt sick every morning. Double check.

There was no need to wonder what the little stick would tell her.

Not after the four stolen pregnancy tests from the hospital had told her that she was most definitely with child. As she wretched and heaved she thought about Derek, then doubled over and felt a fresh batch of vomit surging up her throat. She hadn't told him, couldn't tell him and was completely at a loss as what to do next.

It was silly, really, not having the guts to tell someone the news that is supposed to make them happier than they've ever been—silly to be afraid to tell the love of your life that you are pregnant with their child.

Silly or not—the very thought of facing him with such huge news was utterly terrifying.

She got up after paying homage to the porcelain god, flushed the toilet and ran the tub. A nice bath before work would definitely be refreshing. As she sank beneath the bubbles her mind worked overtime. She and Derek had never really discussed children—not on a serious level. She'd been scared that _he'd_ be scared away if she brought up such a 'huge' topic. He'd never really mentioned wanting to have a family—at least he'd never sat down and said 'let's try for a baby right now.' And let's face it—how often did that ever happen?

She knew he'd be a great father. He loved kids, loved everything about them. But what if he didn't want it? Would he tell her to raise the child by herself? After growing up without a father she knew how hurtful it was to not have a daddy like everyone else did. But nowadays it was uncommon to find a two-parent household. The question was did she want to do it alone if he was too afraid to commit to another human?

By the time she got in the car and headed toward the hospital she knew that it didn't matter; at least in the long-term aspect. If he wanted to be a part of the child's life than she would be thrilled—after all who wouldn't be happy about the prospect of their child's father wanting to be a part of his or her life?

Maybe, she fantasized as she drove along, he'd ask her to marry him. He'd say that they belonged together—always, just the way it should be. He'd want to buy a house—there wouldn't be room in the trailer and he could save it for a weekend get-away—A house that the three of them could live in together as a family. One perfect happy family.

As she thought about his would-be reaction she began to feel a little better. Of course he would be there for her. He loved her. He'd always loved her the best and no one could ever take that away from her. She knew he was being silly and scared when she should have never had a negative thought in her head—it was all going to be fine, just fine.

He was in his office with the door shut tight. She took a deep breath and knocked.

"Come in." He called gruffly.

She knew that he was stressed. He always spoke that way when he'd had a patient die on the operating table.

"Hey you."

"Hey." He smiled, although there were circles under his eyes and his shoulders sagged.

"You okay?" She asked, moving into the room and sitting down across from his desk.

He rubbed his hand over his face, and she could hear the scratchy stubble on his cheek. "Lost Mr. Rodriguez an hour ago." He admitted, then cleared his throat. "His wife slapped me across the face when I told her."

"I'm sorry, Derek. But I'm sure you did the best you could." She said softly. "And Mrs. Rodriguez should have been a pro wrestler. I bet it hurt." She added, trying to lighten the mood."

"Ya—well there's nothing I can do about that now." He mumbled, chin in hand. "Did you need something?"

"Well, I need to talk to you about something important."

"Okay. Go ahead."

"Well—" She began, her voice faltering a bit. "Do you remember when you said that you'd like to have kids someday?"

"Yes." His eyes looked alarmed, she noted with a hint of disappointment. "Why?"

"Do you still want to have kids?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"No."

"Then why are you asking me?" He looked down at his desk and shook his head.

"Does it matter?"

"I think so."

"I just want to know."

"Why?" He snapped. "Why now? Why do you want to know now?"

"Can't I ask you one question without you snapping my head off?"

He took a deep breath and sat back in his chair, now very alarmed. He actually clenched his jaw. "I don't know what to say."

"It's a very simple question."

"Is it?" He asked flatly. "Because I have the feeling that you're about to tell me something that I may not be ready to hear." His voice trembled.

"Well—" She began, tears now welling up in her eyes, because she knew, knew that he didn't want to hear what she had to say and it stung. Stung like hell.

"Don't!" He interrupted suddenly, pushing back his chair and sending it into the wall behind him. "I don't want to know." He hurried around the side of his desk in an attempt to get away from her.

"Derek!" She stood up and beat him to the door and leaned back against it.

"Don't you say it!" He warned, pointing at her, his face red. He was so darn upset and it pissed her off. "Don't you do this to me now, Addison! Don't you say it. Just when things are back to the way they're supposed to be!"

"I'm pregnant, Derek." She blurted. "And I'm keeping it—and I want us to give it another try."


	19. Two Days Later

Two Days Later:

"Derek, are you alright?" Meredith asked, brushing a lock of hair that had fallen across his head. She ran her hands through his thick hair, lightly scraping her nails on his scalp. They were lying in bed in his trailer watching late-night tv and enjoying the pleasures of being in the same dwelling for the first time in a year. The light from the television flickered across the walls of the small room, casting a relaxing glow. In Meredith's eyes things were back to normal accept for one thing: Derek was upset and he wouldn't tell her why.

"I'm fine." He murmured. He loved when she did that to him. It made him relax—and he really needed to relax after the past forty-eight hours. He was going to be a father—with the woman that he had just divorced not three weeks earlier. Maybe he should call Jerry Springer, he thought irritably. This was the kind of dirt he'd love to get his nasty hands on.

"You're sure?" She leaned down and kissed his forehead softly. "You've been really weird the last couple of days." She was worried that he was having second thoughts about them—about her impromptu decision to stay with him in the trailer until they decided exactly where they wanted to live permanently.

"I've got a lot on my mind, baby." He murmured without opening his eyes. He was scared—had never been more scared in his whole life—and he knew that if he wasn't strait with her, if he didn't bite the bullet that he'd lose her for good. For frig sakes he'd just gotten her back. What a hell he'd created for himself. "And I need to think about how I'm going to say this to you."

Her hand stopped midway through his hair and pulled back. He opened his eyes and saw the fear in hers, and looked away, ashamed.

"What's wrong?" She blinked and swallowed and for some reason she started to feel the perspiration down the back of her black lace nightie that barely covered enough.

The truth was that he was angry—angrier than hell, at Addison, even though he knew that it really couldn't be blamed on her entirely. He didn't want a child with her, didn't want to even think about the on-slaughter of problems that it would bring to he and Meredith—if their newfound relationship even survived a pregnancy with another woman. He was angry at himself for being a coward, an ass, and an all-round big jerk.

He sighed, before running his hand through his hair. "I don't know how to say this to you, Meredith, so I'm just going to say it." He blew the air out from between his lips in an effort to calm himself down. "Addison came to see me the other day and she told me something that is going to change everything between you and me----" He looked up at her before continuing. She sat stone still, her eyes on the bedspread, preparing herself for the worst. "She want—"

Meredith's head snapped up and she cut him off before he could continue. "She wants you back?" She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Why am I not surprised? Don't tell me that you want her back, Derek----" She reached out and turned his face so she could look him in the eye. "You aren't telling me that you're going back to her?"

He blanched. "No!" He reached out and drew her toward him. She reluctantly let him, then pulled back, knowing that he was about to hurt her and she didn't think she could take any more hurt. "I will never go back to her, Meredith. I love you and I hope that you really love me too, because there's something that you have to know."

"What is it?" She whispered, tears gathering in her eyes. She sat up and rested her back against the headboard. "Tell me now."

"Addison's pregnant." He said softly. "She wants to keep it and I'm so sorry that this happened now, Meredith." He searched her face, wanting her to see that he really meant what he'd said.

"This isn't happening." She mumbled, the tears now sliding down her cheeks. She did not look at him, nor did she even articulate the thousand questions that were now racing through her mind. Only one; "How could this happen to us, Derek?"

How was it supposed to work? Did he seriously think that they would make it after Addison and he had a child? This had come at the worst possible time! She and Derek had been back together for less than a month—granted, it had been a wonderful month—and time for the two of them was precious and sweet. She knew in her heart that he was the man she wanted to marry. It was just a matter of time. The only question was could she handle this? Could she be supportive?

"Meredith, what are you thinking?" He rolled over and sat up beside her. "I want to be with you, so please don't misunderstand that; and I don't know what Addison will do with the baby—I haven't talked to her again."

"She'll keep her baby and try and make sure that you two are together."

"It won't happen."

"Are you sure that you don't want to go back to her for the sake of this baby?"

He winced, hurt. "Do you want me to go back to her? What kind of a question is that? Are you trying to make me leave you again?"

"No. But this is a baby." She said softly. "Your baby and it needs a father. I grew up without a father. I just want you to be sure about us, about what's best for everyone."

"What's best for everyone is you and me—together. There is no other way for me, Meredith. I love you and I can't live my life without you." He shook his head. "I won't do it."

"Do what?" She asked, wiping another tear. She was emotionally drained and didn't really know what to think at that point.

"Live my life without you by my side. Whatever we have to do about Addison we do it together." He hugged her to him and they rocked back and forth slowly while she cried.

"Please tell me what to do to keep you." He pleaded softly. "Please don't leave me."

She pulled back so she could look at him. "I would never leave you. Not for anyone. I love you so much it would kill me to leave. Look, this is a big shock for you, for me, and probably for Addison too. I can't tell you that this isn't going to be hard and probably really awful at times, but if you want me, I'm yours. Always. I'll be here one hundred percent, Derek."

Emotions were high and neither of them could remember a time when things just worked out perfectly for the sake of working perfectly. "I'm sorry." A single tear fell down his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Mer." He bowed his head into her lap and held on to her legs.

"I know." She soothed. "It will be fine. We'll work it out." She ran her hands along his bare back, wondering exactly how they would be fine—how on earth they were going to work this situation out—especially when she told him the news that she had been hiding.

"Der, why don't you want to have kids?" She asked softly. "Is it because you think you're too old now?"

"I never said I didn't want to have kids." He answered. "And, just for the record, I"m not that old."

"But you said—"

He looked up at her. "What I said was that I wanted to have kids with you. I never wanted to have kids with Addison. I know it sounds cruel but I can't get into the idea that in eight months I'm going to have a son or daughter with my ex-wife. I mean, how is that supposed to work?"

"You two will work it out."

"You're the woman I want to have kids with." He said, pulling himself up from her lap and rolling over on his back, pulled her on top of him so her long hair fell down over both their faces. "I knew the moment I met you that this was forever. Even if it took a year to get to where we are now." He tilted his head up for a kiss. She bent down and obliged.

"I'm glad you feel that way." She said, hesitantly.

His eyebrows rose. "Why? Are you pregnant too?" He joked.

"Uh huh." She gave him a sheepish grin. "Bad timing?"

"Seriously?"

She nodded.

"Seriously!" He blurted. "We're having a baby!"

She laughed. "I was so scared to tell you and I'm glad I didn't until now. I didn't plan it Derek, but that night at the prom—"

"I don't care!" He exclaimed, raining kisses on her face, over her eyelids and forehead. "I'm so happy!"

"You are?" She sounded relieved.

"I love you, Meredith.'

"I love you too."

And so, that evening three lives had changed, two babies were awaiting arrival into a new world, and one woman cried herself to sleep, wondering why she couldn't find love.


	20. Feel For You

News that both Addison and Meredith were pregnant spread like wildfire through Seattle Grace; Every ear heard, every eye could see that the news was a slab of prime meat—juicy, delicious and just so damn satisfying! After all, it wasn't every day that the best Neurosurgeon in town got both his ex-wife and mistress pregnant at the same time—and to top it all off the three of them had to see each other almost every single day.

It was interesting to the rest of the staff to watch the tension and anxiety that constantly surrounded the three when they were within five feet of one another—but downright nerve-wracking for the three involved so deeply, their lives now wound around each other and it made it ten times worse because they knew that everyone was watching. Judging. Waiting to see what happens when the next page was turned.

For Meredith, the days were long and mostly made up of trying to avoid Addison--- which was impossible----and trying to sustain enough energy to work without throwing up every fifteen minutes—which also seemed impossible. But, she was happy for the first time in so very long and she intended to keep it—forever keep it. She and Derek were thrilled at the thought of having a baby that was made out of love, out of such passion and longing—a baby that truly was a part of both of them.

They had been living in Derek's trailer for two months and loving every minute of it. He loved to sit up at night and rub her stomach and talk to it gently. Sometimes he'd lay with his head on her abdomen and talk endlessly about what they were going to do together, the places they'd go. Meredith found herself in a state of euphoria—her wildest dreams were really coming true. She had always imagined her and Derek together and even with Addiosn's pregnancy, they still found themselves awaiting their arrival with great joy.

Both felt that they had found exactly what they had been looking for. To hell with the stares; they'd put up with them—and to hell with what the rest of the hospital thought—they were in love and they didn't care who knew it.

Still, she felt bad for Addsion, knowing that Derek was completely un-involved in her pregnancy. As far as she knew he hadn't even asked her how she was feeling. Meredith could sense that the other woman's pregnancy wasn't treating her well—the dark circles under her eyes, the almost greenish pallor in her skin at times and the always tired look that she wore on her face. Yes, it was sad that Addison had no one to ask her how she was feeling—at least not the father of her baby.

It was spring and everywhere she went, blue skies seemed to follow. The buds were ripening on the trees, the flowers starting to bloom, and Meredith was pretty sure she'd never been as happy. At three months, she was starting to get sick only once or twice a week. Her body hadn't changed much, maybe only a slight thickening around the middle, but her breasts were no longer sore—but bigger—and she thought it made her figure look more mature, or at least that was what Derek told her.

One morning she was walking down the hall with Izzy, who was back from her extended honeymoon in Europe with Denny, and they were talking excitedly about Izzy was planning to do with the house that Meredith and George no longer lived in. Yes, things were changing for everyone and although they all missed living together, they had all moved on in positive ways—ways that were good and meant to be.

"So, George and Callie found a condo right on the waterfront and it's just super." Izzy explained, as they walked toward the cafeteria for their lunch break. "It has two bedrooms and a fabulous bathroom with a whirlpool tub and sky lights."

"That's great!" Meredith exclaimed, happy that George was finally starting to get active in his roll as a soon-to-be father. It had taken him a while but he had decided that he did love Callie and that their relationship was worth it. He wanted them to live together and didn't want to raise a child in the basement of the hospital or in Meredith's house, and so, after Meredith moved out he and Callie started looking for a place of their own. Meredith had decided to leave the house to Izzy and Denny. They had wanted to rent it from her but after talking with Derek, they decided to let them live in at as long as they tended to the upkeep and repairs. "How is Callie feeling these days?"

"Oh, I think she's doing great." Izzy answered, as they reached the cafeteria line. She picked up a tray for herself and handed one to Meredith. "She says that George is starting to talk about baby names and stuff. She's glad that he's finally coming around to this baby idea. It's funny—" She continued as she piled food on her tray. "It must be something in the water around here. Everyone's pregnant!"

Meredith laughed. "Ya. Three so far. You're sure you're not next?"

"Not yet."

"Never say never, Mrs. Duquette."

"We'll see. I just want to spend as much time with Denny as I can. It's like I don't want to share him with anything, not even a baby. Not now." She said, as they sat down at their table. "So, how's it going with the ex She-Shepherd?"

Meredith sighed. "It's alright I guess. I mean, I see her in the halls and she doesn't talk to me and I don't talk to her—but I feel bad for her because Derek doesn't ask her about the baby, he doesn't even mention it to her as far as I know and—I don't know, Iz—she just seems so alone and sad all the time. But lately she seems not too bad."

Izzy nodded. "It's probably hard for her to see you two so happy and excited over your baby. Her baby isn't going to have the father that yours will have."

"I know. That's why I feel bad."

"There's not much you can do about that."

" I know." Meredith shrugged and bit into a french fry. "So, how's Alex been to you since you got back?" She asked, changing topics. "Is he still mad at you?"

"Not at all. He's been—" She tried to think of the right word. "Normal. If that makes any sense. It's like he's really distracted or something. But I think he's definitely over me and that's a good thing. I think he's seeing someone."

"Why do you think that? I never heard anything."

"It's just a feeling I get. I know him, Mer, and he's seeing someone. I just don't know who. You know that look he gets on his face when he's boiling about something or someone underneath?"

Did she know? The whole hospital knew when Alex Karev was in one of his moods. He was usually the brooding, 'look what someone did to me, look at poor me', kind of guy and not much had changed with that. Alex was always being slighted by somebody—it's just that this time no one knew who was turning his gears.

"All too well."

"Well, he's got that look now. I wonder who it is?"

"Beats me."

They finished their lunches and went their separate ways. As Meredith walked down the hall she saw Alex go into the on-call room and shut the door softly. Deciding to go and speak to him and see if he was alright, she proceeded down the hall.

"Well, hello there." Came a voice from the nurses station.

She turned and grinned. "Derek. I thought you were in a surgery."

He grinned back at her and placed a chart on the desk before coming around the side and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Just finished. So, what's on the agenda for today?"

"Not much. I have to check on Mrs. Williams and Mr. Peterson and then I'm all done."

"How's my little guy doing?" He asked, patting her stomach.

Her eyebrows raised. "Little guy? What if it's a little girl?"

"Doesn't matter to me. I just have a feeling."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

"Sure do. I thought about the greatest name today—if it's a boy." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "Wanna hear it?"

She laughed. "As long as it's an improvement on the last three names you ran by me."

"What do you mean? I think they were great names."

"Willis?" She rolled her eyes. "Or, my personal favorite—Beecher, or how about Donald?"

"Those are perfectly respectable names, Mer. What's wrong with them?"

"They are the kind of names that will have him running for his life on the playground. Those names are off the table."

"Fine. How about 'Nolan'?

"Keep trying, honey. Not a chance." She patted him on the arm. "I have to go, but keep on thinking about those names."

"Nolan is a great name!" He stood watching her as she walked away, his hands jammed into the pockets of his lab coat, a huge goofy grin on his handsome face. "You'll come around!"

"I'm sure it is, but not for this baby." She called back, as she walked away. "Dream on, Dr. Shepherd."

She walked toward the room, thinking that Alex might need a little heart-to-heart. She hadn't really talked to him in the last few weeks. She'd been so busy, and there had been so much to do. She turned the knob and poked her head around the corner.

"Alex?"

She stepped in and switched on the light and gasped.

"What the hell?" He half yelled, jumping up from the bed and adjusting his scrub pants, or rather, pulling them up. "Meredith, what the hell to do you want?" He barked, moving behind her and slamming the door shut. His eyes darted between her and his companion on the bed, who was buttoning her blouse hurriedly. " Haven't you heard of privacy?"

"I'm sorry." She mumbled, so shocked, she could barely speak. Her eyes could hardly adjust to the sight before her. "I just wanted to talk to you." She backed toward the door, coving her eyes as she did so. "I'm sorry." She mumbled, again and left quickly, shutting the door behind her.

"Well, I'd say that we're no longer a secret." He said, sinking down on the cot and running his hands through his short hair.

"I think you're right." She replied. "How long before the rest of the hospital knows?" She asked dryly, standing up and smoothing down the front of her skirt.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I thought I locked the door."

"It would appear that you didn't."

"Why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad." She corrected. "I'm just not used to being walked in on during sex." Her tone was clipped and it bothered him.

"I don't care who knows."

"I do."

"Why?" He asked, for the hundredth time. "Why do you care? Everyone else is running around her boning each other and not caring who knows--- Are you embarrassed of me?"

"No. I'm not."

"So, what's the problem?"

"I'm not ready to go public with us."

"Addy, it's been over----"

"I know how long it's been." She said, leaning down and kissing him softly. "And I'm not ready yet. Please understand, this isn't about you. I like you, Alex, I really do. But I need a little more time."

He didn't respond, only watched her as she walked out of the room and shut the door.

"Ya—and I love you." He mumbled irritably, lying back down on the cot. "But what the hell kind of difference does that make?"


	21. Getting A Grip

"Do you want some toast?"

"Or how about some bacon and eggs?"

"No—whadda ya say to some_ french_ toast?"

Denny Duquette looked up from reading the _Seattle Times _and grinned at his new wife in amusement—He regarded her apparel and felt his heart flip flop again, as it did every single time he looked at her---clad in a pair of light green silk pajamas and her long hair piled in a messy bun on the top of her head—she was beautiful in every way. He ruffled the paper slightly as he turned the page. "I'm fine, darlin." He chuckled. "You just get yourself something good."

"So, french toast then?"

He leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach through the black t-shirt he wore. "Are you trying to fatten me up, woman?" He teased. "You're gonna make me gain fifty pounds. Just how will that help my new heart? I'll be fat—and how will you feel about me then, huh?"

She looked him over and winked. She loved to look at him—the way he moved, the dreamy look in his eyes that appeared every time he talked to her and she loved everything about him. She had to admit that he did look pretty sexy in his t-shirt and blue boxers—but he was Denny and was there ever really a time that he didn't look sexy? Hell, in the hospital, _dying_—the man still had enough sex appeal to accommodate a hundred women.

"The same way I feel about you now." She smiled, getting up from her chair, crossing over to the other side of the kitchen in search of something to eat. "I love you."

"Baby—" He nodded, as she walked past him. "I love you too."

"Preston says that it's best if you eat early in the morning—something about your metabolism–" She continued. "I'll have to get the book that he suggested..." She trailed off, talking to herself more than to him. "Oh, and you know about the appointment with Dr. Sellers about staying fit, right?"

"I'm fine, Izzy. Don't worry about it." He turned the page and began reading an article about some dead ducks that were found on the Seattle coastline. "I'll be there."

"Did we schedule your follow-up with Preston?"

"Yep. Tuesday at ten."

"What about with that doctor who has the special new diet plan—the really great one?"

"What about him?"

"Do you think we should see him?"

"So I can eat rabbit food?"

"Noooo—so that we have the best chance possible of keeping you healthy."

"Izzy—" He began tentatively.

"Denny, you _need_ to eat something." She opened the refrigerator door and started rifling though its contents, hellbent on making him something nutritious. "What did you have this morning?"

After years of being a bachelor, the marine biologist knew that he need not worry about starving to death now that he was married—it would literally be impossible, considering that Izzy hovered over him night and day—which did get tiring but he understood why she felt and acted that way and when she got really bad—like waking him up in the middle of the night to check his new heart with a stethoscope—he had to draw the line, but gently.

"Cereal—Cheerios, actually." He said mildly as he grinned at her. "Surgeon General says they are essential for a healthy heart, honey." He set the paper down and rested his chin in his hand. Absently, he scratched at the three day stubble on his cheek. "And I've got one now." He reminded softly.

She considered what he'd said and reluctantly walked over to the table, stopping in front of him. "I'm doing it again aren't I?" Tears welled up in her blue eyes—why couldn't she stop fretting over him? It was becoming a compulsion—wanting to check his heart, monitoring what he ate. She was so scared of losing him—losing what they had finally found together—it was hard not to hover over him.

He nodded, but his eyes were soft, understanding. He pushed his chair back and held his arms open to her. She sat on his lap and buried her head in his shoulder and relished the feel of his strong arms around her.

"I'm sorry." She murmured softly. "I just get scared sometimes. I want you to be healthy and—"

"Shh, shhh." He soothed, as he rubbed her back. "I know that you do."

"I don't mean to be a nag."

"You're not a nag, honey. Far from it." Oh, if she only knew how much she meant to him, how she was responsible for saving his life, for giving him life. "I know that you're scared but I"m fine."

She leaned back and looked at him. "I know. I'm sorry and I'll try to not be so—" She searched for the right word to express how she felt, and failed.

"Perfect." He finished.

She smiled. "Perfect? That's not the word that I would have chosen, but it sounds good."

"You're perfect for me Isobelle Duquette and I love you for it."

"I love you too."

She leaned down for a kiss.

One kiss became two and two became three...and soon he was carrying her upstairs to their bed. Carrying her with his arms and his new, strong, perfectly healthy heart.

And for that, he would be eternally grateful.


	22. By The Lake

Derek and Meredith were enjoying a Sunday away from the hospital. The day was warm and sunny and they were having a romantic picnic at the trailer, complete with a red checkered table cloth spread out on the ground by the lake. They had packed a basket full of food that Meredith could finally eat again. Both were happy and rested and content to spend the afternoon in each other's arms. A picture perfect couple they made, with he in his tan colored khaki shorts and blue shirt and she in a simple flowing white cotton dress that nearly reached her ankles. Currently they were trying to come to a compromise on baby names.

They had picked a spot underneath the shade of an old oak tree that looked out over the water. The sound of bees buzzing and the smell of nature and flowers made Meredith nostalgic as she sat in front of Derek, who had his back against the tree, his arms wrapped around her middle protectively. She looked out over the lake and took in the shiny, crystal water as the sun beamed down around them. She could have sat there forever. It was where she wanted to be and not for the first time in the last two months, reiterated to herself that this was exactly what she had envisioned her life with Derek to be like. As long as she was with him, she thought happily, she would have everything she ever wanted.

"So, what do you think of the name Georgia?" She tipped her head back and looked up at him. He leaned down and kissed her neck.

"As in the place?" He answered, knowing full well what she meant. "It's beautiful. I've been there a few times. Very nice." He continued to nibble on her neck.

"I _mean_, as in the name. If we have a girl." Meredith grinned.

"Georgia?" He pretended to think about it. "I don't know. What about Montana?" He countered.

"Are you serious?"

"It's a nice name."

'So, we'll put it on the list of possibilities then?" She arched her back against him and tilted her head, giving him access to her shoulder.

"If you want to." He answered, moving his lips down to her shoulder blade, as she squirmed beneath him. He knew that the way to her heart was through her neck and she loved that he knew exactly how to touch her, how to bring on those delicious shivers that made her want him again. "I think Montana Grey sounds very classy."

She sat up, confused. "Grey?" She turned around to face him. "Montana _Grey_?"

"It's a great name." He said mildly. He cleared his throat. "It flows well together, don't you think?"

"No. It doesn't." She was hurt—and there was no denying it. Did he not want the child to have his name? Was it a way of him still not cementing the relationship between them? Would they never get married? Meredith's emotions changed in an instant from total contentment to sheer sadness—again, one of the endless joys of pregnancy. She couldn't put into words exactly how hurt his statement had made her. "It sucks, Derek. It really sucks!"

Taken aback by her sudden change in mood, his eyes widened. "Well, it was just a suggestion. I like the name Montana—it's nice."

"Well, Montana Grey is a stupid name."

"Okay then." He nodded his head. "Montana is off the table."

"Good." She snapped, wiping away a tear from her eye.

"What did I say?" He asked carefully. "Mer, what just happened?"

"You _know_ what you said."

"I think that I've upset you." He said slowly. "Actually, I know I've upset you and I don't know why." He reached out to hold her but she wouldn't have it.

She stood up and placed her hands on her hips and looked down at him sadly, and he at her, in bewilderment. "Grey?" She raised her hands in the air and then slapped them down at her sides. "Grey?" She shouted childishly. "Is this a way to keep us separate from you, Derek? Another way to keep us from being a family?"

And then it made sense to him. She was upset because she thought that he didn't want the child to have his last name—and she couldn't have been more wrong. He'd been afraid to tell her that he wanted his child to carry his name, and truth be told, that he wanted her to be his wife, not his girlfriend. He wanted the three of them to have his name. Alarmed, he jumped up from the blanket. "No! Meredith you're taking it all wrong!"

"Right. You want this baby to have my last name and Addison's baby is going to have your last name—how messed up is that!"

"Mer—"

"No!" She turned on her heel. "I find that insulting, Derek! Have you even thought about how that's going to work?" She fired off as she started to walk away. "I'll have the child that was conceived out of wed-lock and your ex-wife will have the child who was conceived out of marriage!"

Now she was upset—and she was starting to take him with her..

"Wait a minute!" He yelled, trotting after her. "Meredith! Just talk to me for a minute—you have it all wrong!"

"Really? Is that why you want Montana Grey? Not Montana Shepherd!" She stopped walking but her shoulders heaved, as she started to cry. She felt stupid for being so upset, especially when she knew deep down that he hadn't said it to hurt her. She was so confused, so drained sometimes it got the better of her. "Because–" She continued, now in a broken sob. "I think—that—Montana—Shepherd—sounded—good!"

He reached her and turned her around, clamping his arms on her shoulders, almost feeling like crying himself. "Meredith, look at me."

She sniffed and shook her head, eyes shut tight. "No."

"Look at me." He chided gently, reaching up with one hand to wipe one side of her face. "I need you to look at me." There was nothing he hated more than to see a woman cry—especially a woman that he loved more than life itself.

"I feel stupid." She muttered, and then hiccuped.

"You shouldn't. You're pregnant and emotional."

"I _know_ that."

"So, can you open your eyes?"

"I don't want to."

He drew in a deep breath. "Meredith, I want to say something to you and I would like it if you'd open your eyes and looked at me."

She opened her eyes reluctantly.

"Thank you." He said. "Now, come back to the blanket with me." He instructed, grabbing her hand and walking with her. When he had her sitting down again, he took both hands in hers and kissed them.

"Do you want this child to have my last name?" He asked softly.

"Of course I do!" She choked. "Why would you—" He put a finger over her lips, silencing her, for he had far more to say than she knew, and he needed the moment to be right.

"Okay." He said. "I want you to listen to me, Meredith." He took his finger away and eyed her. "Can I talk and you listen?"

She wiped her eyes. "Okay."

"I want this child to have my name." He began. "I want us to be a family and in my mind we already are, because wherever you are, is my home. It's your decision if you want this baby to have your name or my name but I would prefer—" He arched his eyebrows. " to have all three of us have the same name."

"What are you saying?"

He leaned forward and kissed her lips gently. "What I'm saying is that we should all have the same name, don't you think?"

"But that would mean—"

"Exactly." He finished. "That we would have to get married."

She felt her heart soar in a way that she hadn't thought possible. "You mean you want us to get married?" She asked, shocked that he'd even suggest it.

"If you'll have me." He grinned. "I've been thinking about this since the moment that we got back together. It's always been you, Meredith. I would love it if you'd marry me, be my wife and live with me forever."

"Seriously!"

"Seriously."

"I'll have to think about that." She teased, a fresh course of tears making their way down her cheeks.

"Well—" He sat back and reached into the pocket of his shirt and brought out a small velvet box and held it in front of him. "Would this help?"

Her eyes bulged as she reached out and accepted the box, fingers trembling as she opened it and gasped. Inside, nestled safely in a bed of black satin was the most beautiful two karat white gold diamond that she had ever seen.

"You're serious!" She exclaimed, looking up at him. "You're really serious!"

"Marry me?"

"In a heartbeat!"


	23. No Guts No Glory

Alex Karev frowned----It wasn't the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last—and threw the contents of a home pregnancy test into the garbage can in his tiny bathroom, along with other garbage that had gathered. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and narrowed his dark brown eyes at himself.

"You must be crazy, fella." He mumbled as he looked down at his naked torso, which accept for dark blue boxers, was bare, and looked at the jagged scratches that Addison had left there the last time they had been together. Just thinking about her made him angry.

He glanced down at the test in the garbage and silently cursed himself for falling for a woman who was having someone else's baby—and not just anyone—Dr. McDreamy himself—the biggest jerk on the planet and certainly not someone who deserved to be having a baby with a goddess like Addison. The guy had no brains whatsoever to throw away a marriage with someone like her for a woman he barely knew.

Okay, so he knew Meredith Grey; He liked her, he worked with her and he knew that she had good points—but to throw away a twelve year marriage for great sex with a blond waif? It just didn't make sense. And Addison was having a baby. A _baby_. It wasn't like they had bought a dog together—no, that was his and Meredith's thing—it was a friggin kid.

The damn test had been sitting on the sink for at least four weeks and neither he or Addison had bothered to throw it away. Well, it wasn't like she was even in his apartment long enough to do anything but take him to bed. A quick roll in the hay, no cuddling after, no soft spoken words of love. Just hot, passionate sex and then _sayonara baby_,_ I got to go._

And he hated it.

Why? Because it was the unspoken thing between them—or more accurately—between her and no one else. They didn't really talk about her pregnancy or anything remotely personal—rather, when he asked, she shut down almost completely and it made him angry.

He grabbed some cleaner from underneath the sink and sank down on his knees to scrub the tub. He sprayed the chemical repeatedly until almost every inch of the old claw foot tub was covered and then proceeded to scrub as hard as he could. Not many people knew that when he was angry or upset he cleaned damn near everything he could get his hands on.

As most men went, he was run of the mill; He drank too much beer, watched more than the occasional adult movie, was afraid of commitment and avoided it at all costs and he kept his inner most feelings to himself—that was until Addison Montgomery Shepherd had taken an interest in him. With her it was different. She was the one who refused to commit, to talk about her personal life outside of sleeping with him. She refused to be bullied into going public with their relationship—if you could even call it that—and it was driving him nuts.

The portable phone rang from on top of the toilet where he had placed it. On the third ring he turned around and grabbed it.

"Ya?" He snarled, not really interested in talking to anyone at that moment. "Whadda want?"

"Alex?" Came a high pitched female voice—not the female voice he wanted to hear.

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his chin. "Ya?" He answered briskly.

"I called you last night."

"I was busy." He lied. "Sorry." Not really remembering who he was talking to. He had a reputation with a lot of women and sometimes they called him weeks later–sometimes days after. He scratched the top of his head in confusion.

He could hear her pout on the line, a short huffy sound. "I waited for you at Joe's."

"Uh—sorry?"

"You—me—the alley behind the bar? Ring any bells?" She asked dryly.

Recognition flowed through his brain. Missy. Tall, blond, stacked. He'd taken her home about two months before and they had a wild night together—on the couch, the bathroom sink, the table in the hallway and finally, the bed. He'd run into her on the street a few days ago and made plans to meet at the bar—He'd never intended to actually show up. He could hardly think about boning anyone else when he'd had the best sex of his life with Addison—and if he'd had it his way he'd never have it with anyone else ever again.

"...and I thought that we might actually go on a date this time..." She was saying.

Wait—he thought, as he listened to Missy babble incessantly on the line—Was it possible that he was ready for something more? Was he, Alex Karev, actually contemplating a real relationship with one woman? She'd never go for it. She didn't even want any one to know that they were sleeping together. Oh hell, she would never listen to what he had to say...or would she? The very thought sent shivers down his spine and sent his stomach into over-drive. Maybe she didn't realize how much he had started to care for her—that he actually envisioned the three of them doing things together like walks in the park or days at the beach----now he knew he was losing it. He didn't fall like that! He would never consider being with someone who had a kid by some other dude...or would he?

"I'm sorry Missy." He apologized as humbly as he could manage. "I got called in. An emergency thing—" he lied. He walked out of the bathroom and into his bedroom as she kept talking—and he kept thinking.

"...aren't you listening to me? I thought we were gonna go out on a real date this time, Alex!"

"I can't." He said, as he grabbed a pair of jeans, and pressing the phone between his ear and shoulder, hauled the jeans over his hips. "I just started seeing someone."

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I'm seeing someone now and I can't take you out."

"Since when?"

"Since—" He shook his head. "Since a while now. What's it matter?" He grabbed a clean t-shirt out of his dresser and tossed it on the bed.

"You're a first class jerk!" Was the last thing she said before disconnecting the call.

"Tell me something I don't already know." He responded to the, now, dead line. He dropped the phone onto the unmade bed and pulled the shirt on over his head.

With that, he grabbed his keys, jammed on a pair of flip-flops and proceeded out the door.

He was going to see Addison.

And this time she was going to listen.


	24. Deal

"So, today's the big day?" Preston Burke inquired of Addison's ultrasound, as he and Derek sat in the break room enjoying a few minutes of peace. Derek sat, legs spread, on the worn out sofa, and his counter-part on an orange plastic chair, legs crossed, sipping a cup of tea as the two discussed Derek's current situation.It was an issue that the two had argued on for the better part of two weeks—on and off—and they were both at opposite ends of the poll, so to speak.

"You're going, then?"

The two surgeons had become good friends in the past few months and now had the privilege of inserting opinions, whether good or bad, welcome or unwelcome, into what they thought about each others lives. They argued, they debated, sometimes fought, but had a solid friendship that was built on mutual respect for each other—and some would say that they were undoubtedly best friends—and it showed in every way, as it did the moment they began to argue over the current demise.

"It would appear so." Derek answered tightly. He took a sip of his coffee and winced as the hot liquid seared down his throat. "She wants me there and I can't really say no."

"Why would you say no?"

"I didn't say no."

"But you don't want to go."

"Didn't you just hear me say that I wanted to go?"

"No." He corrected mildly. "You said it like you didn't want to go but that you had to go—therefore—you're going."

"What are you? My shrink now?"

"Not even I can attempt to unravel this mess." He held up his mug of tea and grinned at his friend. "I have to hand it to you, Shepherd—when you do something you really go all the way."

Derek rolled his eyes, annoyed. "Thanks a lot."

"Hey, I call it like I see it." Preston answered, not one to mince words. Derek wanted to know what he thought—he'd tell him. No holds barred, no beating around the bush. "And you have really got to evaluate your priorities."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Offended, Derek drank down the last of the awful coffee and threw the Styrofoam cup across the room towards the trash can and missed.

"It is your kid, man." Preston said pointedly. "Why the hell wouldn't you be there?"

" I know that." He cocked his head to the side. "You don't have to tell me that, Pres."

Unaffected, Preston waved his hand dismissively. "So, what's your problem?"

"I don't _have_ a problem." Derek answered—a bit testily—" I just think that having a baby with my ex-wife and my fiancé—" He held up his hand to demonstrate the significance of the moment. "is not exactly what I had planned for my new life with Meredith."

"So what? Get over it already." Preston snapped impatiently—truthfully, he was tried of watching Derek treat Addsion like she didn't exist—and tired of listening about how Addison's pregnancy was an albatross around Derek's neck. The man needed to grow up and take responsibility for his actions. Preston Burke was a man of action—and if he had been careless to get two women pregnant at the same time then he would act like an adult and _deal_—not run around and pretend that all was well in the schoolyard. In short, he was tired of Derek messing up what good things he had. At least he'd finally asked Meredith to marry him—and things were great between them—but the way he was treating the woman he had shared twelve years with—was just plain wrong.

Annoyed, Derek did a double take and clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. "Thanks for the advice, pal. You're really hittin home with the whole—" He raised his hands in caption—"friendly chat here. You're really making me feel better. Thanks." He said sarcastically.

Burke leaned forward and balanced his elbows on his knees. "Making you feel better?" He snorted. "You still don't get it do you? This isn't about you, pal. It's about Addison and Meredith and the fact that they are both having you child—this is _way_ past you and what you want."

Derek's eyes widened. "Don't you think I know that?"

"I don't know."

He narrowed his eyes. "You really think that I don't know that this isn't about me anymore?"

"Do you act like it?"

"What?"

"Have you stopped acting like it's about you?"

"Wait a minute—" His eyes darkened and heated. "Don't sit here and lecture me about this—we're supposed to be friends here–and whatever this little chat is—certainly isn't very friendly!"

"This _is_ me being your friend." Preston argued. "That's why I'm spending the one break I've had in four hours listening to you—and trying to get you to see what's really going on here!"

"Give me a freakin break!" He stood and plowed his hands through his dark hair. "For the past four months all I've thought about was these two babies and the two women who are carrying my children! How can you say such a shitty thing to me?"

"How can you be so shitty to Addison?" Preston countered. "Derek, you are my friend—" He shook his head sadly. "And as your friend I have to tell you that you're being a real ass to her and toward this pregnancy. Everyone sees it—"

"Everyone _who_?" Derek snapped. "Everyone of the busy bodies? Gossips? Who are we talking about here?"

"Everyone who works in this hospital."

"Bullshit!" Angry now, he stood and pointed toward the door. "Bullshit!" He repeated.

Burke shrugged. "Sorry. It's true. You don't even ask her how she's feeling, Derek—how do you think she feels when she sees how happy you and Meredith are? Talking about your baby and how great it's going to be—and then you walk past her and act like she's nothing?"

"I don't do that—" He defended. "I just don't know what to say to her----" he looked up angrily. "What would you say? Tell me—what would you say if you got two women pregnant at the same time, huh? Tell them that you love them both? Tell them that we'll all just live together? One big happy family?" he pointed at Preston again, harassed to the point of breaking. "You're wrong—I don't act like she's nothing!"

"Yes. You do." Preston held up his hand, knowing when enough was enough and backed off. "It makes me sad for you—for her—and for this child that you really don't seem to be interested in. I'm your friend and I think that you're doing this the wrong way. You need to be supportive of her and at least let her know that you give a damn about her and this child." His voice had lost it's judging tone and was replaced by genuine concern.

"Well, thanks for your concern."

'It is concern whether or not you recognize it."

They were interrupted by a light knocking on the door. Francey Yeo, the red-headed nurse peeked in. "Sorry to interrupt, but Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Montgomery wants to see you in her office." She shut the door softly.

Derek turned to Preston. "Well, I guess I know what I have to do."

Preston rose from his seat and threw his empty cup in the garbage and succeeded. "Yep." He agreed. "You gotta deal."


	25. The Reason

**_The Reason: By Hoobastank_**.

_I'm not a perfect person;_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do._

_But I continue learning;_

_I never meant to do those things to you._

_And so I have to say before I go,_

_That I just want you to know;_

_I found a reason for me_

_to change who I used to be,_

_A reason to start over new,_

_And the reason is you._

_I"m sorry that I hurt you;_

_It's something I must live with everyday._

_And all the pain I put you through,_

_I wish I could take it all away_

_and be the one who catches all your tears,_

_That's why I need you to hear;_

_I found a reason for me_

_to change who I used to be,_

_A reason to start over new,_

_And the reason is you._

_And the reason is you._

_And the reason is you._

_And the reason is you._

_I'm not a perfect person;_

_I never meant to do those things to you._

_And so I have to say before I go,_

_that I just want you to know;_

_I found a reason for me_

_to change who I used to be_

_I've found a reason to show _

_a side of me you didn't know._

_A reason for all that I do;_

_and the reason is you._

"Derek!" Meredith squealed excitedly.

The voice was high pitched, as it tended to do when Meredith was beside herself about something–whether good or bad—fortunately this was a good sound.

He set down the medical journal he was reading and glanced over at her. "What?"

She scootched over closer to him on the bed and smiled widely. "It moved."

"What moved?"

She giggled and grabbed his arm and placed it on her abdomen. "The baby! I felt it move—it's like bubbles." She explained happily.

"Really?" Now it was his turn to get excited. When it came to Meredith and her pregnancy he was without a doubt, sincerely excited; he asked endless questions, discussed baby names, discussed plans to build their house and the things that the three of them would do together. He rolled over and settled next to her, his hand on her stomach, waiting expectantly to feel the life that he and Meredith had created.

"Move your hand around." She instructed, when he didn't feel movement. "Try here." She placed his hand a little lower.

He looked up into her eyes and felt the sting of tears at the sight of her being so happy. She had totally supported him with his decision to be a part of Addison's pregnancy—no matter how hard it had been on both of them and even though he was still not excited about the other child, Meredith encouraged him to be kind to Addison, to ask her how she was feeling or if there was anything that he could do to make her feel better.

"How'd I ever get so lucky?" He asked, a lump forming in his throat, as he removed his hand for a moment and ran it through her dirty blond hair. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

She smiled at him; a tender private smile that only he knew, and reached over and cupped his cheek with her hand. "You didn't do anything. You were yourself and I'd say that we both got pretty lucky, Der." Her eyes took on the sleepy-doe look, the one that surfaced when she was deeply moved by him or something he said. "Do you know how happy you make me?"

"Do I?"

"Make me happy?"

He nodded emotionally, the corners of his mouth turning down. "How do I make you happy, Meredith? Are you sure that you can be happy with me forever? After I got someone else pregnant?"

So, here it was; His fear that she would eventually leave him because of his past with Addison. She tenderly continued to stroke his cheek, her heart warming and bursting in a sudden rush of emotion. She felt tears sting her own eyes and she looked at him; so needy, so afraid and it touched her soul in a way that she'd never felt before.

"Do you know how much I love you?" She asked, instead of answering. "Do you know how much you mean to me?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat before he started to cry. Not usually so emotional, he felt a bit silly; but he had been feeling guilty and out of sorts for the past few days and he needed to validate his emotions to her. He twirled a strand of her hair between his fingers and looked down at the bed. "I know you love me but sometimes I'm afraid that you'll realize that I'm not good enough for you and it makes me sad because you do deserve better—"

"Don't say that." She interrupted, lifting his chin so he was eye level with her—blue eyes on blue. "You mean more to me than anything else in this world. There is no one on this planet that I would be with other than you." She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and then continued. "You and this baby are what makes me happy to be alive and I wouldn't change what happened between us for anything in this world. Secondly, I would never walk away from you because you got your ex-wife pregnant. It happened and there's nothing you or I can do about it. She got pregnant when you two were still together and yes, you will have two children who have a birthday a month apart, but you will have to deal with that and so will I." She said softly. "And so will Addison. And the thing is, that I think this will be harder on her in the long run than it will be for you, so let's take her into consideration."

"I don't know if I can do what she wants." He admitted, sadly. "I don't love her and I hate the fact that I'm having a baby with her." He sighed. "And I feel guilty because I don't to have a baby with her. I feel like a bad person."

"You're not a bad person." She said softly. "But you have to remember that this child that she's having is part of you too. It's your son or daughter, Derek and you owe it to him or her—"

"Her." He mumbled, still not looking up at her.

"What?"

"It's a girl. The ultrasound says it's a girl." Finally looking up at her. "Addison is trying to help me pick out names—" He stopped talking when her eyes filled with tears again, and spilled down her cheeks. "Mer—I'm sorry." He blurted, upset.

For a moment, Meredith couldn't speak; She'd known that the day was coming; That they would find out the sex of Addison's child, but hearing it hurt nonetheless. Hearing that they were discussing names still hurt. She reached up and brushed the tears away impatiently. "I'm sorry." She sniffed. "I know that you have to pick out names and it's great that she's having a girl----it just hurts. I'm sorry." She bowed her head and her shoulders shook.

"Shh, shhhhh." He soothed, pulling her into his arms, feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet, only it was something that sooner or later, they'd have to discuss and it would prick every single time. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He chanted. "I've hurt you again and I never want to hurt you. I hate myself for this, Meredith, I really do."

"It's fine." She trembled, as she spoke. "I know we have to talk about this and I'm sorry it upset me—sometimes it just gets to me and I'm trying to be patient and understanding but then I feel guilty because I wish that you weren't having a baby with her too." She wailed, bringing him her hurt and frustrations that she usually dealt with alone.

"I know—I know." He consoled her. "I wish it was just you, only you. I'm so sorry."

"We'll get through it." She said, sniffing. "We'll do it together."

"I love you, Meredith." He whispered fiercely. "I love you so much it hurts."

"I know." She answered. "I love you so much it hurts me too."

"Be with me always?" He asked, tightly. "I don't think I can live without you."

"I will never leave you, Derek." She promised. "And only time will prove that—" She stopped talking and rolled away from him for a moment.

"What is it?" He asked, confused.

She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach again. "It moved again."

And when he felt the small, indigestion-like movement, he felt his heart soar in a way that almost knocked the wind out of him.

Come hell or high water he knew that he'd give his life to make Meredith and his child the center of his world.


	26. Lonely Number

Seven: It's such a lonely number—one after six and always one behind eight; Odd, not even—and to some, a constant reminder that life had not turned out the way they expected it would,

It was the number of months that she had been alone; The number of days that it took for Derek to return a phone call—if he returned it at all—and it was also the number of times that Addison Montgomery-Shepherd considered moving back to New York to start over—whatever that entailed. Alex wasn't too fond of her mentioning a possibility of a move. He'd made it clear that he wanted her, wanted her to stay. She more than suspected that he'd marry her if she'd asked. There was something in the attentive way that took care of her, asked about her and how she was feeling, that really got to her. She'd had a great time with him—heaven only knew how many times those dark, calloused hands had slid over her heated flesh–how many times he'd taken her to a place that not many could. They'd been sleeping together for months, never going public with the relationship—her idea—and they practically lived together. And it still wasn't enough.

There was someone else to consider.

She had talked to Mark Sloan almost daily ever since her split from Derek and he was quite adamant that she return to 'where she belonged'. Addison knew that Mark loved her, had love her for a long time, and that he wanted her to be his again. He wanted both of them. In fact, in the last conversation he'd practically begged her to come be with him. In his life. In his bed.

Only this time she wouldn't be alone.

She reached down and patted her seventh-month stomach, which had grown quite large in the last few weeks and sighed. To feel the tiny—and sometimes wind knocking blows—that her daughter inflicted upon her was a great source of comfort and joy for her. She'd never thought that she would ever had a child. The doctors had told her that she'd never conceive. She rubbed her hand slowly across the stretch of skin and smiled. She loved the way her stomach stuck out proudly–a testament to the growing life inside her, perhaps the only way to show prove that she had something of Derek left.

The only thing she had left.

Her mind started to wander as she felt the life of her daughter stir beneath soft hands. If only—no, she decided with a quick shake of her head—she wouldn't do it again–the 'if only's' were empty promises—a teasing way the mind had of making up all kinds of possibilities and scenarios which were destined to make you unhappy and unsatisfied in the end.

Derek wasn't coming back to her–wasn't even a possibility–and for the first time in months, she decided to accept it. Meredith Grey was six months pregnant with their first child and she was glowing, happy and very much in love with Derek. And to make matters worse, she thought bitterly, all Derek could talk about was waiting for the birth of his child. Yes, she conceded, he did do his best not to mention Meredith's pregnancy when he knew she was around—damn near tried to ignore her as best he could—and he did ask how she was feeling every now and then. He'd even agreed to pay child support every month. A very tidy sum indeed. But she wanted more, needed for him to want more–and she knew that it wouldn't happen—not in this lifetime.

Funny, how having two different men who wanted you didn't mean nearly as much as the one you'd lost. The one that you spent twelve years with, making love to, making a damn life with—had turned against her and even though she was carrying his child—or at least she was pretty sure—and easily turned to the one woman who, apparently, he couldn't live without.

The key turning in the lock had her looking up towards the door. It swung open wide and Alex stepped inside holding a brown grocery bag. He was wearing dark blue jeans and a red t-shirt. Made him look sexy and dangerous. She shivered, feeling the need to be as close to him as possible—a need that he made sure that he instilled in her every time he brought her over the edge with sweet release—and she would keep him until she had figured out exactly what she was going to do.

"Hey." He greeted, setting the bag down on the counter. "How was your day?" He asked as he took out a quart of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and held it up, grinning, as he reached for two spoons from the container beside the stove.

"It was good." She replied, smiling. He didn't have to know that she had been thinking about other men, about other things. She held out her arms to him. "Aren't you going to kiss me hello?"

He waggled his eyebrows at her and his eyes darkened, turned into two pools of chocolate as he watched her through hooded eyes. "I could—" He said slowly, pushing off from the counter and sauntering slowly toward her with the delicious treat. "But I like to hear you _ask_ me first."

"You're so macho, Karev."

"Tell me again." He countered, as he neared her.

"I want you to kiss me." She rolled her eyes, but he saw the need there–the loneliness that even she wouldn't admit to. Dammit, he wanted her to know how much he loved her and he cursed himself for not having the guts to tell her. He wanted both of them in his life. She still continued to talk about New York, about how her 'friend' Mark wanted them to come stay with him—and every time she said it, it cut him like a knife. Not trusting words, he put into practice what he couldn't say.

He sat down beside her and set everything down on the coffee table so he could reach up and fist his hands in her long red hair, unencumbered. He loved the feel of the silky strands as they lay obedient against his fingers. He leaned in teasingly and tugged gently on her full bottom lip, forcing her mouth to open. She sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning into him fully.

Pleased, he put all of his feeling and want into a mind-numbing kiss that left her tingling down to the tips of her toes. His stomach coiled with the desire that not even Isobel Stevens could outdo. When oxygen became an issue, he took a deep breath. Pulling back, he ran his hand down and rubbed her stomach lightly. "And how's my other girl doin today?" He looked up at her, so hopeful and vibrant. "What do you think of the name Vivian?" He asked.

"Vivian?" She asked. "You've been thinking about names for her?"

"I remembered that you liked that name." He said nonchalantly. "I thought it would be nice. Vivian Montgomery. Has a nice ring to it."

She felt her heart quicken at the personal reference to her mother's name and decided to change the topic. "She's been sleeping the day away. It's night time that she's practicing to play for the Giants."

His eyes darkened for a moment,. "Don't you mean the Seahawkes?"

"Either or." She said lightly.

He sighed, exasperated. "You're still thinking about moving to New York?" He sat back, annoyed. "Addy, why are you still considering this?"

"I'm keeping my options open."

"Why? Why do you need to keep them open?" He challenged. "Do you need more than I can give you?"

She looked him over carefully before responding. "I don't know, Alex. I just don't know."


	27. Oh Baby

The month of September was in full swing; Trees were dropping leaves in various shades of orange, red and brown, enticing those walking by to step on their dryness and hear the snappy sound crunching beneath their feet. The nights were cooler, the days windier and temperatures were starting to dwindle. People were less cranky as a result, as it had been a hot summer with temperatures at an all time high. Seattler's were tired of sweaty days, scorching nights and actually prayed for summer to end.

Meredith and Callie were most happy about the decline, seeing as Callie was now in her ninth month and Meredith in her eighth. To be pregnant in the summer was a curse. Even in the winter pregnant women were hardly ever cool, always complaining about the heat—and of course, after having an extra twenty pounds in front was a great way to keep the body temp high.

Throughout their pregnancies a kind of friendship had begun between the two women; The two unborn children a kind of bond that sealed them together. A surprise to both, considering that Meredith had once been the woman standing between Callie and George. The woman that George had given his heart to; Only Callie had stolen it back—and for that Meredith would forever be grateful. The two woman shopped together, lunched together and attended yoga classes for pregnant women. There had been a newfound respect that neither of them had counted on, but were grateful for.

George was now completely over Meredith and was taking his roll of soon to be father and husband—he'd proposed to Callie during a surgery and she'd accepted. He and Meredith had talked about it after and she was now certain that George really did love Callie and that they would have the kind of loving relationship that she and Derek had. They loved their condo and had a wonderful nursery all set up for their new arrival, which was due any day now. Nervously, George waited and every time Callie put her hand to her abdomen, he peppered her with questions. "Are you alright? Are you contracting? Even though he was driving her crazy with incessant questions, she was happy because he was in full swing; he was loving her as she needed to be loved and that was more than enough.

On this particular evening, the four of them were out for dinner with Denny and Izzy, whom they had not seen a lot of over the past six months or so. Denny, being a Marine Biologist, had been traveling around the world and Izzy, of course, had been right there beside him. Preston and Cristina had come at the last minute and joined the group. It was one of the first times that they had been out with everyone as a couple. As they raised their glasses in preparation for Derek's speech, Meredith couldn't help but notice how happy all of the couples looked. All of the men were dressed in suits and ties and the ladies all wore dresses. Meredith wore a silk gown of silver that reached below her knees with a pair of matching sandals with no heels, as she was afraid to wear anything that might make her trip and fall. Callie wore a dress of red that reached her ankles and Izzy wore a dazzling black v-neck dress that clung ripely to her figure, with a pair of black high-heel pumps. Cristina had even dressed up for the occasion, wearing a dress of periwinkle blue that ended above her knees.

"To friendship." Derek announced grandly, lifting his glass. Everyone joined in and as they toasted each other. "And to more good times in the future with our best friends."

"Here, here!" Everyone lifted their glasses and toasted one another.

"So..." Derek began, as he sat back down at the table and put his arm around Meredith, who in turn put her hand on his leg comfortably. "Callie, how are you feeling today?"

The dark haired beauty grinned and ran her hand along the top of her hugely swelling abdomen. "Like I've swallowed a water-melon." She looked over at George. "He thinks that I've got more than one in there."

George raised his eyebrows. "I swear I can feel more than one in there!"

Cristina tossed off a small piece of her roll and tossed it at him. "This coming from the same man who thought that babies came from Santa Clause."

"Come on!" He tossed back, grinning. "I was _five_ at the time. I think I've learned a thing or two since then!"

"You wish." Izzy dead-panned. " Remember the time that George thought that our patient..." She snapped her fingers trying to remember the name. She looked over at Meredith and Cristina, hoping to find help. "you know...the one with the..."

"Gas...for lack of a better word." Cristina supplied dryly. "Mrs. Johnson."

"That's it!" Izzy laughed, buttering her dinner roll. She addressed Denny and the other men. "Mrs. Johnson was pregnant and he wanted to send her down for an ultrasound when all it really was...she was..." She laughed so hard she couldn't stop and Denny reached over and put his arm around her, grinning. "Come on honey...spit it out."

"Oh ya!" Meredith set her glass down, remembering. "Mrs. Johnson!" She began to laugh hard, thinking back to the patient that had been a topic of conversation for months after word. She doubled over, trying to catch her breath, every few seconds looking back up at George's red face, laughing harder.

Preston and Derek looked at each other and shrugged. Neither of them rarely listened to hospital talk and if they had, they had not heard this story. "So, what happened?" Preston asked, leaning forward, resting his chin in his hand.

"I don't think that anyone here cares." George said to Meredith, between clenched teeth.

"Oh, on the contrary." Derek said, lifting his wine glass and taking a sip. "We'd love to here the story O'Malley."

George groaned and looked over at his fiancé for help.

"Don't look at me babe." She giggled. "There's nothing that I can do to help you."

"Thanks a lot." He mumbled, but leaned over and kissed her cheek just the same.

"Okay, okay." Preston's voice boomed over all of the laughter. "So, what happened?"

Meredith, Cristina, Izzy and Callie looked at one another and burst out into another fit of laughter. Finally, Cristina, the only one who could speak leaned forward. "Fine...I'm fine now." She cleared her throat. "So, Mrs. Johnson comes in to the hospital and says she's been having these pains. She's a pretty big woman so George thinks that she's pregnant. He gets her into a room and starts to examine her...not asking if she's pregnant...just assuming that she is..."

"Never assume, Georgie-boy." Izzy interjected. "Never assume."

"Shut up blondie." Cristina snapped affectionately. She turned back to the group, who were now fully captivated by her story. "So, he's assumed that she's pregnant and he starts to examine her..." Remembering, Cristina began to laugh again. "He bends down to examine her and she goes and lets out this huge, earth shattering fart...right in his face!"

The whole table roared with laughter.

"I'm not done yet!"

"So, anyway." Izzy picked up the thread. "Then she tells him that she feels one hundred and ten percent better and goes to get up off of the table and George asks her about the baby. She says 'what baby' and he's left feeling really stupid..."

"Not unlike right now." George mumbled, red-faced.

"and he says 'but aren't you pregnant?' and she slaps him right across the face...hard! And then she walks out the door!"

"Oh George!" Meredith, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Don't be mad! It was funny...really funny."

"Ya, I gathered that."

"I've got a funny story." Callie said, patting her stomach.

"Really? What is it?" Derek asked. "More Georgie-boy antics?"

She smiled, but it actually came out as a wince. "Well, my funny story is that...my water just broke."

She said it so calmly, everyone stopped and stared.

"Your water broke?" Preston asked.

"Um, hum." She answered, rubbing her belly. "I think we should go."

"Your water broke?" George squeaked, throwing his napkin on his plate. "Is this a drill?"

"No George. If this was a drill do you think my lap would be soaked?"

He looked down. "Are you sure?" He stammered.

"George!"

"Well..." Preston stood up. "Let's get you to the hospital."

Just then, Derek's beeper went off. He pushed his chair back and stood, frowning, as he checked the number and message.

The rest of the table stood as well. "What is it?" Meredith asked.

He looked up, uncomfortable. "Well it looks like the trip to the hospital won't be a wasted trip."

"Why?" Izzy asked, putting on her coat.

"Because Addison's in labor too."

TBC


	28. Two

Five Hours Later:

"Push, honey! You can do it!"

Callie turned and looked at George's sweet face smiling down at her, at his hand that held tightly to hers, listened to his words of encouragement that fell so easily from his lips. His blue eyes were bright with excitement, with the joy that his first child was coming into the world. He cajoled, he wiped the sweat from her brow and he told her that he loved her again and again-----and again. This, commingled with the fact that George's entire family----mother, father and two enormous, loud, ignorant brothers--- were all sitting in the waiting room arguing over what the baby should be named—was enough to make her feel like she was going to explode. It wasn't that she didn't like her extended family----they always treated her like she was wonderful, the best thing that ever happened to George. It was just that they were so—loud----and any time that they were all together it was a wonder that anyone could speak loud enough to be heard. Still, there was a closeness to his family that she had never had with hers—but sometimes the O'Malley's were like a whirlwind, tearing up everything in their path and she was never unhappy to see them all get into their respective vehicles and go home. Only then could both she and George take a breath and return to normal.

"It hurts!" She growled. She knew that childbirth was painful but this----this was something from another dimension! She swiped at the sweat that had dripped into her eyes fiercely.

"You're doing great!" he countered, not having a clue as to how much pain she was in. "Think about the beach, the water----soothing sounds of the ocean----" He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath.

"George—you look stupid!"

He opened his eyes. "It helps. It really does."

"I don't want your help!" She growled, tears of pain now flowing freely. "I want this baby outta me!"

"Callie, you need to hold on a minute." Dr. Porter told her from his position between her legs. He was the only doctor on-call and even though Callie and George didn't know him very well, he was kind and very efficient. "Just hold on and I'll let you know when you can push again."

"You hold on!" She cried, squeezing George's hand so hard he winced. "I can't hold on anymore!"

"Okay, you can push now." The doctor instructed, very used to having woman scream at him. "Another couple of big ones should do it."

"I'm thirsty!"

"I'm sorry, Callie but you can't have water right now." Dr. Porter said soothingly. "But you can have an ice-chip to wet your tongue."

"Come on...just another big one!" He sing-songed into her ear. He was trying to be helpful, trying to be the best expectant father in the history of expectant fathers...but it was too much. He took an ice chip from the plastic cup beside him and held it to her mouth.

"Here." He soothed. "Eat this."

She slapped the cup away and it fell to the floor with a clatter. "_You_ eat it!" She yelled, ignoring the stunned and hurt expression on her fiance's face. 'It sucks anyway! I wanted a drink, not a stupid ice-chip!"

In the end, after three agonizingly long and painful pushes, Callie gave birth to a seven pound, three ounce girl, whom they named Amelia Torres O'Malley and as she was laid on Callie's stomach, all red faced and full of protest, the new parents were sure that they'd never laid their eyes on something so beautiful in all their lives.

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Derek pulled off his mask and gown and deposited them in the garbage, his emotions swirling. Over and over he remembered the conversations that he and Addie had had about relationships, about love, fidelity—and it all seemed an eternity away—like some dream that they had concocted together and tried to make it a reality. He'd never wanted to become a father when it was someone that he didn't love anymore—when it was someone as cold hearted as Addison could be and probably always would be. He thought about the name she had picked for the beautiful little girl that had been born about twenty minutes previous.

Vivian Leigh Montgomery. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.

Instead of going directly to Meredith, he went to the nearest on-call room and sank down on the couch and buried his face in his hands. Too much had happened, too many things that would take years to explain, to scratch the surface of. It would be like an investigation to try and figure out the truth. And now, he was sure that she'd be on her way back to New York to be with the one man that she could love. And even though he hated Mark, he almost felt sorry for him...and sorrier still for the new baby girl that he knew Addison would twist around everyone's little finger when it suited her best.

He looked up as Alex Karev came into the room and sat down opposite him. The two men eyed each other, a mutual dislike on both of their faces. Derek had been quite surprised to learn that Karev was Addison's birthing coach and even more surprised to see the tender way that he attended to her. He should have known that his ex-wife would have taken a lover. She'd never been able to go without sex for long and _he_ should know—it was just a surprise to Derek that he'd never caught on before.

Alex regarded Derek as an enemy, although he shouldn't have bothered. There was no love lost, no misplaced intentions, only duty left. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

For some reason, the question threw Derek. Was Karev blind? Did he not see what had happened? Surely, he had to know! He had to!

"Yes, she is." He answered flatly.

Alex sat forward and leaned his elbows on his knees. "I love her, you know."

"That's good."

He narrowed his eyes at Derek. "I love her the way that you never could and I'll love Vivian too."

Derek fought back the urge to slap some sense into the obviously love-struck other man. "That's good."

"I"m gonna ask her to marry me." He continued, sizing Derek up, not really caring why he wasn't reacting one way or the other.

"Well, good luck to you."

"You have nothing else to say?" He asked meanly. "You're off the hook. Now you and Meredith can live you happy perfect life together.

"What is it that you want me to say?" Derek snapped. "Did you see her?"

Alex's eyes went dark, bleak. "I saw her. I've been there since day one—I was there when you weren't. When you wouldn't return a phone call or see how Addie was feeling." He stood up to tower over Derek and clapped his hand over his own heart. "I was there all the months that you weren't. I was there when you were off playing the merry husband with Meredith, planning for you new baby."

Derek rubbed a tired hand over his eyes and stood up, facing Alex–one last time—for he would never have this conversation again. "Look, there is no point in this discussion. You love Addison and I"m happy for you. You want to be a father to Vivian than that's exactly what you should do. I'm not going to stand in your way, Karev. I wish the three of you the best of luck."

With that, he walked out of the room and on toward the nursery. He stood outside the glass and watched the new lives wiggling around in tiny glass cubicles, arms and legs trying to kick free of the newly acquired blankets. He felt a surge of relief course through his body. At that moment he felt so happy he could cry.

As he spotted Vivian he allowed himself to admit just how beautiful of a baby she was—with her long tapered fingers, her already dark curly hair.

And, of course, her dark, dark skin, silky like chocolate milk.


	29. New Beginnings

When Derek finally had a moment to compose himself he walked down to the waiting area to find Meredith. He knew instinctively that she was feeling the pressure of trying to keep it all together; the pressure of trying to do right by him and support everything that he was doing for Addison—and he loved her for it. She never complained, never judged, just did her best to be what he needed. Sometimes he would catch her crying and even though she would claim it was her hormones, he knew better and always wished that he could have turned back time.

Now he wouldn't have to.

Just as he thought, she was sitting on the couch reading a copy of Baby News magazine and eating an apple. Izzy and Denny were no where to be seen and he wondered if Callie had delivered already. He stopped in the doorway and leaned against the jamb. His eyes turned soft, dreamy, as he took the chance to look at her unabashed and natural. Her golden hair hung over halfway down her back now, its texture softer and shinier due to her pregnancy. She looked absolutely beautiful in her gown. She'd only gained thirty pounds and carried it low. Unless seen from the front, one would never know that she was with child. He grinned as he watched her lips form a small smile. She was touched by something she had read.

How wonderful to know the smallest details about the person you love; How wonderful for you, for them. He stood there for a full minute, grinning from ear to ear. They were going to have the dream life that they'd always wanted! They could finally start living separate lives from Addison and it felt so good he wanted to jump up and down.

She looked up and smiled anxiously, a smile that didn't reach her eyes when she saw the happy look on his face. Knowing that it wasn't fair, she felt bad. He'd just experienced the birth of his first child and even though the circumstances hadn't allowed it to be _her_ child, she knew it was wrong to be jealous and upset—but she found it extremely hard.

"Hi there."

"Hi."

"Where's Iz and Denny?"

"They went home." She answered. "Callie delivered an hour ago."

"What did she have?"

"A little girl. She's so gorgeous!" Meredith answered, a genuine smile this time, for she was so happy for her friends.

"What'd they call her?"

"Amelia Torres O'Malley."

"Nice name."

"I think so." She answered, grateful for the small talk—The two stared at each other uncomfortably. He, was trying to gather his courage to tell her the biggest news of both of their lives and she was trying to make herself be happy for him, for his new baby.

"You look beautiful sitting there." He complimented, coming into the room, watching her carefully.

"No I don't. I look fat." She corrected.

"You're not fat." He countered. "You are the most beautiful women I've ever known and I'll love you forever." He said lightly.

From one look into her eyes Derek knew she was being torn to shreds. She went to stand, but he shook his head and sat down beside her and gathered her into a hug.

"Derek, what's wrong?" She asked, scared and half annoyed that he was looking so happy and relieved. "Is the baby okay?"

"Nothing's wrong." He answered, holding on as tightly as he could. "Nothing at all. And the baby is perfect. You should see her. She's beautiful."

It stung—the words that came so easily and words that were probably very true, still they pierced her like a tiny arrow to her heart. And if she wanted to be realistic, she knew that those arrows would somehow be finding their way into her heart for the rest of her life in one form or another. She drew back expectantly, her blue eyes wide—for this was a new attitude for Derek. She couldn't blame him for it; He'd finally seen his child in the flesh, of course it had to change the feelings he had. "So, what did she name her?"

"Vivian."

Meredith looked down at her hands. "It's a very nice name. Did you help? Pick the name, I mean?"

He saw how much she was hurting and shook his head. "No. I didn't pick it out. Vivian is her mother's name." He grabbed onto her hands and squeezed hard. "Mer, I've got something to tell you and it's going to change everything—"

She ignored him as if he hadn't spoken and pulled her hands from his—for she had to get some things off of her chest. She was feeling tired, wrung out and just plain miserable. "What's her middle name?"

"Leigh."

Her eyes snapped up to meet his. "Leigh? As in your mother's name?"

He sighed. "Addison and my mother have always been close." He rubbed his hand over the stubble on his cheek. "But Meredith, when I tell you the news you'll—"

"What's her last name?" Tears welled up in her eyes. "Does she have your last name?"

"No. She's a Montgomery." He answered. "But you really need to know----"

"Derek—this is hard." She began, her lips trembling. "This is really hard for me to see how excited you are about your new daughter and I'm trying here—I'm really trying—but it kills me to see how happy you are—and what if you forget about us? What if you don't love me and the baby the way you are going to love Vivian? What if----"

He reached up and cupped her face with his hands. "Oh Mer–" He shook his head and leaned in and kissed her on the mouth. "Baby, don't ever think that! Don't ever say that again. You and this baby are all that matters to me. Nothing else will ever take your place."

"What about Vivian? You just said—"

"I know what I said and it's true. She is beautiful. But you don't know—" He struggled with the right words to tell her. It was somehow harder than he'd thought it would be. In his minds eye he'd seen himself running down the corridor shouting 'she's not mine! She's not mine'.

"What is it?" She asked, suddenly realizing that there was something else going on.

"I don't really know how to say it so I'm just going to say it."

"So..." She questioned. "What is it?" Her face fell. "Is it twins? Don't tell me it's twins...or triplets."

"No. It wouldn't matter if she'd had ten babies Mer." He grinned at her, two tears coming to shine in the corner of his eye.

"Why not?"

"Because that baby isn't mine."

She drew back, shocked. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not her father."

"What—""

"Meredith----Vivian is not my child." He shook his head, wondering why she wasn't more excited. "Don't you get it? She's not mine!"

"How do you know that? Is that what Addison told you?" It seemed like a dream. Maybe it was a dream; Maybe she would wake up in bed and none of it would have happened. Not Derek's baby? How many times had she prayed for it? Wished for it?

"She didn't have to tell me anything. I saw for myself."

"Saw what?"

"Mer, she's African American----she's gorgeous, don't get me wrong...she's one of the most beautiful newborns I've ever seen...but she's not mine."

She couldn't help it—so many emotions ran through her brain. Not his! Not his! She began to cry, so many tears with so many names; Happiness, relief, shock, and finally, peacefulness.

Everything was going to be just fine.


	30. Saying Goodbye

The next day...

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Derek asked quietly from the doorway of the hospital room. He was watching mother and daughter together and couldn't help but feel relieved, even if he was angry that Addison had cheated on him more than once. But he wouldn't help himself from asking the question----even if the answer was obvious. Addison looked up from breast feeding her new daughter and sighed.

Heavily.

"Derek, I don't think that this is the time or the place to discuss that." She looked down at Vivian and smiled. "I'd like some time alone with my little girl."

He stepped into the room and crossed his arms over his chest. "I disagree." He strode toward the bed and sat on the chair across from it. "We are going to have this conversation now and then we never have to talk about this subject ever again." He said quietly. She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes.

"You're not angry?" She asked, not understanding why he wasn't screaming at her, but he was incredibly calm—but then, didn't she always have a hard time getting any kind of reaction from Derek? Hadn't he always buried everything he'd ever felt and hidden behind his professional mask? She shouldn't have been surprised. She looked down at Vivian, who was sleeping contentedly on her chest. "I wish she was yours and I'm sorry for everything, Der, but I understand if you are angry and just not saying it to my face."

He raised his eyebrows. "Angry?" He looked toward the ceiling, his lips pursed together, as if trying to find the words he needed written above. "I'm too happy with Meredith to be angry about this." He admitted and looked back down at Addison, but clearly, he meant business. "We're finished, Addy. Forever finished. I can't be your friend and I don't think that you can be mine. To tell you the truth, I feel relieved that Vivian isn't mine." He said truthfully, ignoring the hurt look in her eyes. " I don't think I could have ever been the father to her that she needed anyway."

"You're probably right about that. You haven't been around much this past year." She accused lightly.

"And you tried to pass off another mans child as mine. That's low—even for you." He shot back.

"I wasn't sure. I didn't think that there was even a chance that she wasn't yours."

"Who is he anyway?"

"Does it matter?"

He sighed and shook his head. "I guess not." He said flatly and stood. That's when he noticed the ring on her finger. "Is that for real?"

She glanced down at the full carat engagement ring that Alex had given her the night of Vivian's birth and smiled wryly. "He loves me." She said simply, as if that were all there was to it. "He wants to be a father to Vivian and he makes me happy.

"Do you love him?"

She looked at him carefully before speaking. "Love—what is it exactly?" She cocked her head to the side and half laughed. "He makes me happy. He's a wonderful lover and he pays attention to me, Derek." She went on even though he blanched at her words—as she was directly targeting him and his lack of attention during their marriage. "He's been with me every step of the way, ever since I found out I was pregnant and even before we broke up I knew that he wanted me."

He had no words—nothing left to say, accept goodbye. But this time it was more—it was like finishing one book, setting it down and then picking up another. His life with Meredith was going to be complete—or at least it would in about another four weeks. The fiasco with Addison was coming to a close and now Alex Karev was going to step in and adopt another man's child. Who would have thought him capable of doing such a noble thing? And who cared? A little voice inside him cried out. He was now starting a new book, with new chapters, new things to discover.

And he couldn't wait to go home to Meredith.

"Goodbye, Addison." He said sincerely. "I suspect that this is the last time we'll really be talking to each other on a personal basis. I wish you and Alex all the best."

"Goodbye, Derek. I'm sorry that things turned out this way." She offered.

He smiled—this time genuinely. "I'm not." He turned and went for the door. "Oh, and Addy?"

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Ya?"

"She really is beautiful."


	31. The House that Love Built

Two years later:

"Izzy, let's go!" Denny called from the bottom of the stairs. "I'm melting down here." He complained, pulling at the knot in his tie, which at the moment, he was sure was trying to strangle him.

"Just a sec." She shouted back. "I think it's in the bottom drawer."

"It's just a necklace!" He mumbled. But damn, it was hot outside and it would be the only day in the entire world that he was stuck wearing a black tuxedo—a heat magnet destined to make him sweat bullets and feel like he was going to pass out cold. Maybe he would, he thought with a half smile, then someone would have to douse him with cold water to take off the edge. Seattle had never seen a hotter day and probably never would again.

He paced around the front hallway, stopping to check his reflection in the hall-tree mirror. He was healthy looking, so healthy that no one would ever know the hell he'd gone through. But most of all he was happier than he'd ever thought he could be. And even though his wife was slower than molasses running up a hill, he loved her more now than he ever could have imagined. Married life suited him.

"Not bad." He complimented himself lightly. "Not bad at all." He checked his watch and sighed. They were definitely going to be late for the wedding. "Izzy–" He bellowed, this time louder. "Woman, you're gonna make us late for this thang!" His drawl became thicker when he was starting to get stressed—but he was a groomsman and she was a bridesmaid—and they were late! So, it was true that he'd had to drive her home to get her necklace that she claimed she couldn't go to the wedding without—and he'd promised the bride that he'd have her right back...but damn! They did not have time for this!

"I _said_ I'm coming!" She yelled back. "Why don't you go get the car started." Hoping that he'd just shut up for five seconds while she found her matching earrings to go with the beautiful diamond necklace he'd given her.

He scoffed. "With no air conditioning! I don't think so! Just get yer gorgeous behind down those stairs!"

"There!" She appeared at the top of the stairs with the necklace on. "I told you I'd be quick!"

And even though she took his breath away in her pale blue gown, her hair done in a fancy pile on the top of her head, he shook his head and waved her down. "Come on!"

"Fine!" She huffed, jogging as quickly as her high heels allowed. He'd already swung open the front door and was eyeballing her. "Oh, wait" She stopped for a second on the last step. "I think I forgot the 'something borrowed' thing for—"

"_Darlin_–" He began in his thick drawl, even more pronounced. "I love ya, but I _will_ pick you up and carry you over my shoulder if you don't hurry up!"

She sashayed by him and stuck out her tongue. "You're such a bossy man!"

"That's right." He agreed, shutting the door behind him and giving her a slap on the rear. "And you love it."

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As weddings went, it was lovely, although hot enough to fry bacon on the sidewalks, in Denny's opinion. He stood with George to his left and Derek to his right and gave Izzy, who was across from him a wink. Who ever would have thought that Preston and Cristina would have made it to the altar? But they had and today was a day for happiness and joy. He had to admit that Cristina looked beautiful in her long flowing gown the color of a pearl, her hair done up on top of her head, her eyes practically overflowing with tears. Denny had decided, after spending more time with Cristina, that she really wasn't as tough as she pretended to be. She just had a wonderfully sarcastic manner about her—even though it always his kind of humor, he'd long ago accepted her as she was—and they got along just fine.

Funny how good it made him feel as they were all standing up there together with the happy couple; Derek as best man, with a very pregnant Meredith across from him, he and Izzy, and George and Callie. Denny had never had such good friends in all his life. He'd become close with Preston especially from all of his hospital visits over those long hard months, and after he and Izzy had married he'd been surprised at just how quickly he'd been totally accepted into the group. He really had it all.

Just as Preston and Cristina had their first kiss as man and wife, a loud gasp from Meredith made them both turn around. "Meredith?" Cristina asked. "Are you okay?"

Derek rushed over to her side, noting the puddle at her feet.

"I'm sorry." Meredith stammered, looking out at the crowd and then back to the newlyweds, embarrassed and in pain. "I think it's time." She winced in pain as Derek started her down the steps of the dias, and suddenly turned to Denny and Izzy. "Can you guys—"

"Don't worry about it." Izzy finished for him. "We got it all covered."

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The dinner was wonderful and Preston and Cristina had opted to forgo the dance, as they were catching an early flight to Cancun, but they did have one dance together at the reception before they cut the cake. But as the night wore on Izzy began to get tired and feel half sick to her stomach. She put her hand on her husband's leg and leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Let's go get Luke. He's probably exhausted."

"Ya. He's been running around here for hours." Denny agreed. "I almost forgot about him."

"Me to."

One of the younger guests, a cousin of Meredith's had been watching over him so that he didn't get lost in the din. Weddings and big events as such weren't exactly the best place for small children to get a lot of attention. The two and a half year old had outdone himself this time, Izzy noted, as she looked at him clad in his tuxedo pants and what used to be a white shirt, sprawled out across two chairs, one arm dangling over the side. His mouth was half open with a puddle of drool that had accumulated over the past hour.

"How much icecream did he have?" Izzy asked as she looked at Luke's face, which was mostly brown, even on the tip of his nose.

"A lot. He's been on a sugar high most of the day." The girl answered, standing up, probably happy to be able to join friends her own age instead of babysitting. "Do you need me anymore?" She asked.

"No." Izzy answered, handing the girl a twenty dollar bill. "Thanks for watching him today Lauren. It was a such a big help."

"Your welcome." She answered, then skipped away to join some of her friends.

Denny hefted the small brown haired boy over his shoulder and carried him to the car to buckle him into his seat.

Once home, Denny watched Izzy from the doorway of the bedroom and smiled as he watched her tuck the small boy into bed. "He's out like a light." He chuckled, as Izzy pulled up the covers around his neck and leaned down to kiss his rumpled hair.

"Ya. At least we won't have to answer any questions until the morning." She said, turning on the night light and walking toward him and taking his hand.

"You think he'll be happy when he hears what she had?" Denny asked as they walked toward their bedroom and began to get undressed.

"I'm sure he'll survive." She answered with a huge grin. "After-all he's going to be a big brother either way. He'll still get to be the boss." She slipped into one of his oversize t-shirts and got under the covers and laid her head on the pillow. "Leave the door open just in case he wakes up, Den." She said. "I don't want him to be scared.

As he climbed into bed, he had never felt so grateful in all his life—for he had everything he ever wanted and more—accept for one thing; A child–and since they hadn't talked about having a baby yet, he was hesitant, but spending so much time with Luke had made him want a son or daughter of his own.

"Babe, there's something I want to ask you." She began, rolling over and propping her head up against her hand.

"What?" He asked, as he settled back against the pillows and closing his eyes.

"Do you want to have kids?"

"Funny you should ask that." He said. "But the answer is yes. I do want to have kids."

"When?"

"Whenever you want to, I guess." He answered. "I love kids."

"Me too."

"So , why are you asking me?" He asked. "Do you want to start trying?" He asked hopefully.

"How about now?" She asked hesitantly.

"You want to try now?"

"I think we're past that stage." She said slowly.

His eyes opened and a grin spread across his face. He turned to her. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

She started to cry, as she nodded her head, a huge smile on her face. "You're gonna be a father and I'm going to be a mother!"

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

The next morning after Izzy gave Luke a bath and fed him some breakfast, she and Denny took him to the hospital to see Derek and Meredith and the latest edition to the Shepherd household—which now stood directly on top of what used to be the trailer. Now, in it's place stood a two story colonial home, built from Meredith's dreams and Derek's reality.

The house that love built.

As they approached the maternity ward, Luke began to wiggle, demanding that Denny let him down so he could walk on his own. A very independent boy was he, having so much of his father in him. The miniature Derek Shepherd was very much like his mother in personality but had his father's looks.

As they walked down the hall, a very tired Derek stepped out of a room and came toward them, a huge smile on his face.

"Daddy!" Screamed the little boy, as he raced toward his father. "Daddy I missed you!" He flung himself into his fathers strong arms. Derek lifted him up and kissed his rosy cheek. "Hi buddy. Mommy and I missed you too."

When Denny and Izzy reached Derek, Denny reached out and shook his hand. "Congrats, man."

"Thanks." Derek grinned at Izzy, who reached over and gave him a big hug. "You did it again, doc. How 's she feeling?"

"She's doing great." He said, leading them into the room where Meredith was. Derek set Luke down so he could run over to the bed. "Mommy! Can you come home now?" He asked holding his hand up to her. She nodded at Derek, so he could hoist him up on the bed.

"Hey Mer----." Izzy began, but stopped when she saw what was in Meredith's arms. "You little rat!" She exclaimed, coming closer to the bed and giving Meredith a kiss on the cheek. "How come you never told us!" She sat down and ran her fingertip over the baby's cheek. "She's beautiful."

"Wow!" Denny laughed. "Well sir, I'd say that you've done pretty well for yourself."

"Daddy." Asked Luke. "Who's that?" He pointed to the pink bundle that Izzy was now holding.

"Well, this is your sister." Derek explained, sitting him down on the bed carefully. "Her name is Georgia."

"But who is _that_?" He pointed at the blue bundle that was in Meredith's arms. "I didn't want more than one."

Everyone laughed and Denny lifted Luke onto the bed so he could cuddle with his mother, who hugged him close and kissed him on the forehead.

"Buddy, that's your brother." Derek said, reaching over so Meredith could hand him the second baby. " And his name is Noah."

"You're a big brother now." Izzy said. "You get to help mommy and daddy with them because you're a big boy."

"Okay." He decided, snuggling against Meredith. "I guess they can stay."

Everyone laughed again. It had been a perfect morning.

And no one would have changed it for the world.


	32. Onward & Upward

An: Just a filler chapter. Do the rest of you want me to continue this story even further? Is there anywhere else to go with this? I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who reviewed this and continues to review it every time there is a new chapter...Grey's fans rock! So, what do you want me to do?

With the arrival of the twins the Shepherd household became very, very busy. Both Derek and Meredith, along with young Luke, were tired all the time. It seemed that no one would get a peaceful nights sleep ever again. But it was well worth the night feedings, the constant tiredness and the interrupted schedules, just to see the way that Georgia and Noah grew and changed. Both blond haired and blue eyed, the Shepherd twins were a constant topic of discussion and Luke, especially, loved to brag about the new things that they were doing and learning----accept for the times that one of them would drool on a favorite toy or chew on big brother's sooky blanket (affectionately dubbed 'blankie'.) By the time they were eight months old, both Georgia and Noah were crawling around everything and everyone, including their brother. Derek and Meredith loved to watch their three children together, both in awe that they had such an amazing life together, always remembering that they were truly blessed to have what they had.

With almost three years of marriage under their belt, the happy couple enjoyed every minute that they spent together; They loved their children, their home and they both still enjoyed their jobs—or at least Derek did. Meredith had gotten a new job. A permanent one: After the birth of the twins she had decided that she would rather be a stay at home mom. She had always wished that her own mother had paid more attention to her growing up and had been sadly disappointed. Ellis Grey had never been much of a home-maker or a confidant. Meredith vowed to be all of that and more. Her dreams of being a doctor never fully dissipated but she never once regretted giving up her residency. Derek always told her that she could return whenever she wanted. However, there were times that she missed living in the house with George and Izzy; Missed the three of them lying in bed together discussing their problems, their hopes and their dreams. The friendships had never altered in its entirety, only changed.

George and Callie were doing well and had recently announced that Amelia was going to have a brother or a sister come fall. They still had their condo but were putting in a bid on a home a little outside of the city. They wanted their kids to have a backyard to play in with trees and a sandbox and none of that was possible where they were now. Amelia was healthy and strong and quite a beauty with her long black hair that reached the middle of her back. She had her father's blue eyes and her mother's sassy personality. Her third birthday was coming up and George and Callie had decided to take her to Disney Land to celebrate. It made both Meredith and Izzy happy to see how far their friend had come in his role of husband and father.

Preston and Cristina had recently moved to Tai Land to help out with the poor and sick people of Chang Mai. They had seen a documentary about the conditions that a lot of people lived in. Appalled, after a minimal of consideration, wrote to the hospital to see if they were needed. Within a week they had both accepted positions in a small hospital. It was less money, but both felt that they had found their true calling. As of late, Meredith had received a letter from Cristina with a few pictures of she and Preston with some village children. Cristina had a smile a mile wide pasted on her now darker complexion as she hugged her husband and both looked truly happy.

Life for everyone had changed so drastically that most days being an intern at Seattle Grace seemed like a dream. But everyone was happy and doing well. Izzy and Denny were still in Meredith's house, any day now, expecting their own bundle of joy.


	33. So Blessed

The phone rang—

"Hon, can you get that?" Derek called over his shoulder as he concentrated on changing

Georgia's diaper without her rolling off of the change table. "Daddy and his little girl are a

little busy, aren't we?" He cooed to his nine month old daughter, who smiled and repeatedly

tried to wiggle away from her fathers hands, for there was much to explore and she didn't

want to be trapped where she wasn't free to crawl and investigate all things great and small.

"Can't you get it?" Came a hurried voice from somewhere down the hall. "I'm kinda into something right now..."

Derek snapped the button on the pink overalls and gently scooped Georgia up, placing her

on his left hip. "We'll I guess whoever it is will just have to wait another minute or so." She

giggled and snuggled into Derek's chest as they walked out of the play room and down the

hall, stopping at the bathroom door, where there was a fair amount of screeching and

splashing going on in the giant whirlpool bathtub that was set up on a dias in the middle of

the room. With one wall completely done in mirrors it made the room look even larger

than it was. One thing he knew for sure was that his wife was a decorating genius—from the

brass fixtures and knobs that she had picked for the faucets of their 'his and hers' sinks and

tub, down to towels and accessories that filled the room. There were candles

everywhere—and it was hard to find a spot where she didn't have one—but they sure smelled good.

"Having fun?" He inquired with a wide grin as he watched his wife bathing Luke and

Noah–or trying to. Both boys were covered with bubbles from head to toe and were

laughing and splashing vigorously in the water. Meredith was on her knees leaning over

trying to make sure Noah didn't slip and accidentally go under. "It looks like you got your

work cut out for you, babe."

Meredith turned and gave him a sweet smile—the kind that could still make his knees go

weak and his stomach feel like there was a hive full of bees inside. "Luke sure is a great

help, though, aren't you buddy?" She reached over and ruffled

his hair that was now pasted on his forehead. "He's helping me make sure that Noah doesn't

have an accident."

"That's really good, bud." Derek picked up the thread and gave Luke a thumb's up. "You're

doing a great job."

"Thanks daddy." He said proudly, puffing his little chest outward and pointing toward his

little brother. "He tried to eat da soap but I tooked it away from him."

"I'm proud of you for helping mommy."

"I know."

Both Derek and Meredith believed wholeheartedly in the rewards of positive reinforcement

regarding their children. They had seen their son come a long way in his near three years;

He was well behaved and they both believed that it was due to the positive way that they had

raised him; Never saying words like 'you are bad', or 'that was bad', they traded in words

that could have had a profoundly negative effect on the boy's self esteem for words that

constantly built him up; words like 'wonderful! Great! Good job!' were heard around the

Shepherd household on a consistent basis, and both parents believed that their hard work

had paid off.

"Who was on the phone?" Meredith asked, twisting her head around, while still holding onto

Noah's body with her hands.

He shrugged indifferently. "Uh...I didn't get to it. I was changing the baby." He nodded

down at Georgia, who was then struggling to get down and go to her twin—they could

hardly be out of each others site or they would start to cry. "I couldn't leave her on the

table so I just ignored it."

"That's okay." She turned back to the children and grabbed a bottle of shampoo and turned it

upside down, drizzling some on the palm of her hand. "Whoever it is'll call back if it's

important." She began to wash Noah's blond curls gently as Derek stood in the doorway

and watched. Georgia began to wail and he set her down on her knees so she could crawl to Meredith. She pulled herself up on wobbly legs by clutching at Meredith's legs.

"Nah...Nah." She chanted to her mother. It was what she called her twin and he, in turn,

referred to her as 'Jah'. It was quite possibly the cutest thing that they'd ever heard—that,

and how Luke referred to them as his 'sibs'.

Derek lost himself in thought as he watched the woman he loved be with their

children—their children! It seemed an eternity ago that they had made love in the on-call

room. He remembered the night vividly as if it were yesterday instead of almost four years

ago; That night had cemented them together and torn an already dying marriage apart but it

had also made him realize that living without Meredith wasn't living at all. He hadn't really

spoken to Addison since the birth of Vivian other than on a professional level or to say

hello when he passed her in the halls. The friendship that had turned them into lovers and

eventually a married couple had vanished; all traces gone and to tell the truth it was fine

with him and he knew that it was also fine with Meredith. She had always felt

uncomfortable with Addison–but now she was Derek's wife and there was nothing to feel

ashamed about. They had three kids together and were living the life they'd always wanted.

Addison was still engaged to Alex, or so that's what hospital gossipers had to say, and

refused to actually set a date. Derek felt bad for the guy—he obviously loved Addison a

great deal; enough to raise another mans child—and even though everyone else felt that he was being strung along he refused to listen to a word that anyone said about it. Funny how

Karev was always the one who treated women badly—and he ended up with a liar and a

cheater. Love wasn't always kind but it did have a way of coming back and biting you when

you got too cocky.

"What are you thinking about?"

He blinked and looked up at her. "What?"

She threw her head back and laughed as she undressed Georgia so she could get into the tub

with her brothers. "Derek, you were just standing there with this goofy grin on your face."

She pulled the tabs off of the diaper and picked up the little girl and set her in the tub.

"What are you thinking about?"

"The on-call room."

She looked back at him, knowing exactly what he meant and gave him a sexy smile and

raised her eyebrow to him. Just the thought of that night still made her heart race. "You

were, were you?"

He stepped into the room and came closer, crouching down and resting his arms on his

knees for balance. "Uh, huh." He tipped his head but she was already leaning over to kiss

him quickly, then pulling back to make sure one of the twins didn't do a nose dive. "And I

was thinking about how you still do that to me."

"Do what?"

"Still move me." He said softly. "You still move me, Mer."

Touched, she leaned over and nuzzled his shoulder. "You move me too."

"Hey."

"What?"

He raised his eyebrows at her. "You wanna make out with me tonight?"

"Why Dr. Shepherd, are you hitting on me?" She asked demurely, while trying to keep the

conversation at a very P.G. level.

"Is it working?"

"You bet."

As they kissed quickly, the phone began to ring again. "You better grab that incase it's

important." She said.

He stood up and exited the bathroom and went out into the long hallway and then down the

double set of stairs at his right. The house had two sets, one right and one left that met in a

landing at the bottom with long curvy bannisters made of oak that he could see his sons and

daughter eventually taking a long slide down. He cursed himself for forgetting to put the

phone in their master bedroom back on its cradle so that the battery had run out and now he

was reduced to traveling down to the kitchen to get the phone every time it rang. and went

into the mammoth room, passing the stainless steel refrigerator, sink and stove and grabbed

the phone that was mounted to the wall. "Hello?"

"Derek!" Came an excited voice on the line, which Derek knew immediately.

"Denny? What's up?" He asked, knowing that it was probably the baby. "Did she have it?"

He hopped up on the black marble counter top as he listened. "Congratulations, man!" He

shouted, really happy for his friends. " I'll tell Mer right away and send Izzy my love! We'll

be there in a couple of hours." He hopped off the counter, and twisted the phone cord in his

hand. "Okay, buddy...we'll see you then."

He hung up the phone with a fist raised and a "Yesssss!" and then turned and ran up the stairs

to tell Meredith the good news.


	34. Everything In Between

As Denny Duquette strolled along the corridors of the hospital with a paranormal grin on his face he felt like a million bucks; He had a wife that he adored more than life itself, who had made him into a father, which was something that he thought he would never see. He'd long ago convinced himself amidst of his sickness that he wouldn't see thirty----and yet, here he was, happier than he'd ever been.

In one hand he held a bouquet of fresh roses, one for each month that he and Izzy had been married and in the other he held a colorful gift bag that contained a picture frame that he had bought to put the first picture of the baby in. As he rounded the corner to the room, his heart skipped a beat. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he watched Izzy breast feed their daughter.

"Hello, darlin." He said softly, as he watched the peaceful, loving face of his wife as she cradled their bundle of joy in her arms protectively.

She looked up at him, a similar look of happiness on her face. She looked angelic instead of what she actually was, which was dead tired. Their eyes met and clung, both mutely thanking the other for the greatest gift that either one of them had given or received. "Hi there." She greeted. "I see that you got something other than food."

He came further into the room, setting the bag down on the floor and set the roses beside her than leaned over and gave her a kiss. "I saw these in the gift shop and I wanted to get them for you." He said, a wistful look on his face. He gently traced a fingertip down the side of the baby's face. "She's so beautiful." He said in awe. "Looks just like her momma."

"And I bet she'll have the heart of her daddy." Izzy replied, noting the almost sad expression that she saw on her husband's face. "Honey, what's the face for?"

"What face?"

"That face." She said, reaching over and clasping her hand with his. "You look all melancholy."

"Do I?"

"You look almost sad."

"I'm far from sad." He answered, avoiding her eyes as he gazed down at the bed. "I just can't believe that we're parents." He admitted. "I can't believe that I've lived long enough to reproduce myself."

"Are you getting scared?" She asked quietly, holding his hand tighter. "Are you sorry that----"

He looked up and shook his head vehemently. "No—Never! Don't ever get that idea, woman!" He leaned over and kissed her again with the fervor of a man desperate for her to understand. "I love you, Izzy and I love her so much it almost hurts."

"So why are you sad?" She asked as she removed the baby from her breast and prepared to burp her. Denny reached over and grabbed the spit cloth and put it over his shoulder. "May I?" He asked, holding out his arms.

"You don't have to ask, silly man." She admonished, trying to gain some lightness to the conversation as she grinned at him. "She's your's too you know."

He took her gently and began rubbing slow circles on her back, the same sad look on his face. "Iz—" He began, a lump forming in his throat. "I'm not sad...I'm just overwhelmed at the fact that she's ours—your's and mine." He looked down at the baby for a minute , a tear running over his lid and down his cheek.

"Oh, honey, don't cry." She said, feeling the beginning of tears herself. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"Do you know what you have done for me?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You've taken me to a place that I've never been."

"And where is that?"

"Here." He nodded down and grinned as he heard a small burp. "You've given me so much and I don't know how I can ever make it up to you."

Her eyes widened. "Make what up to me?"

"Her. This life." He answered. "This love."

"You don't have to make anything up to me, honey. I love you. There's nothing to make up for."

"You don't understand." He continued. "I just want to you to know how much this means to me—that making me a husband and father means the world to me. I didn't think that I'd even live...and you gave me life...you gave me the moon and the stars and everything in between."

A tear slipped down her cheek as she listened to his beautiful words. "Oh, Denny, it's you who gave me life." She whispered, holding out her arms so that he would come closer, which he did. "You made me alive in a way that I've never been before and you loved me when I never thought that I'd find the kind of love I'd been dreaming about my whole life." She reached over and rubbed her baby's small rump. "As for her, she's a gift that we gave each other. The two of you are what I will live for every day for the rest of my life."

"I love you." He whispered. "I love you so much it would kill me to ever let you go."

"I love you too. And you won't ever have to let me go." She replied, her face inches from his. "I won't let you let me go."

After a few more kisses and hugs and happy sighs, Izzy picked up a baby name book that was sitting on the bed beside her and held it up in front of him. Names were the one thing that neither of them could agree on. If she liked it he hated it; and if he loved it she absolutely, without a doubt, detested it. It had been that way for so long that they were both sure that this girl wasn't going to have a name.

"I've been thinking..." She began.

"No way." He cut her off before she could say it. "Her name cannot be 'Rain'. I'm sorry but I have to draw the line and no matter what you promise me it isn't gonna happen, babe."

"As I was trying to say..." She gave him a pointed look. "I found the perfect name."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh really?"

She looked smugly pleased with herself. "Uh, huh."

"And what would it be?"

"Can you keep an open mind?"

He half groaned and looked down at the, now, sleeping baby cradled in his arms. "Don't worry." He said to the baby. "I won't let her name you something crazy."

"Denny!"

"What?" He looked up. "I know that it's probably some freaky name that we've discussed before and I'm just letting my baby girl now that she's got someone with sense in her corner." He laughed in his slow, easy way.

Izzy was not amused. "Like the name you picked for her wasn't freaky?"

"It wasn't!"

"Ramona?"

"What's wrong with Ramona?" He shot back.

"It was the name of my fourth grade teacher and she was the meanest woman alive!"

"That doesn't make the name bad, honey." He corrected. "It just means that you didn't like your teacher."

"No, it means that you don't pick good names."

"What?" He said again. "I beg to differ...but anyway...what's the name?"

She looked him strait in the eye and smiled, that soft, tender smile that was reserved only for him. "Cordelia." She said.

He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off. "Do you want to know why I picked that name?"

"Okay, but before you do shouldn't you know what I think?" He asked.

"No." She answered, cupping his cheek with her hand. "Just listen."

"Alright."

She took a deep breath and she bit down on her lower lip. "Do you remember what brought you to me?"

"As if I could forget."

"Just hear me out." She continued. "It was your _heart_. There was no other reason for us to meet. It was your heart that lead you to me. And it was your heart that made me fall for you. It was your heart that made me love you."

He smiled. "And what does that have to do with anything?"

"Cordelia means 'heart'." She said softly, watching the emotion play over his face, his eyes, his lips. "You gave me your heart and you gave her to me and I think it's the perfect name."

He was so full of emotion he couldn't speak for a moment, and he sat blinking back the tears.

"What do you think?" She asked, rubbing her thumb along the stubble of his cheek.

"I think that I love you more now than I did ten minutes ago." He said passionately. "I think I am the luckiest man in the entire world...and I think that Cordelia is a perfect name."

Before she could speak, the door to the room opened and in came Derek and Meredith, minus their brood. "Hey guys!" Meredith cried. "Congratulations!"

Denny and Izzy broke apart and Denny handed the baby back and stood up to shake Derek's hand, which became a big bear hug. "We're so happy for you!" Meredith squealed, giving Denny the next hug and then on to Izzy.

"What did you name her?" Derek asked, coming toward the bed to inspect the new edition.

"We've decided on Cordelia." Izzy answered, handing the baby over to Meredith carefully.

"Oh, that's nice!"

Derek nodded. "No middle name yet?"

"Not yet." Izzy answered. "We've just decided on the first name. Who know's how long It'll be before we agree on a second one."

"Isobelle." Denny said.

She looked up at him. "What?"

"Her middle name should be Isobelle."

"Are you serious?" She asked.

"I want it to be Isobelle."

Derek nodded. "It does sound good."

Izzy grinned, pleased that he would be so adamant about it. "Okay. Isobelle it is then."

"Welcome to the world, Cordelia Isobelle Duquette." Meredith whispered, leaning down to give her a kiss.


End file.
